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Veronica Mars: Debasment Tapes

Last time I watched Veronica Mars, I can to the realization that I dislike it. Ready to catch up? Let’s see. Piz and Veronica made out. Okay, I think I’m caught up with what I missed.

Paul Rudd is in this episode of Veronica Mars. It can’t be all bad. He plays the leader of a band who is coming in to play Hearst College in order to save the radio station. Then his something was stolen! Oh no! Something! That would be more dramatic if I was paying attention.

Tapes. Veronica needs to find backing tapes that someone stole from Paul Rudd. And while that is going on, Logan is setting up a business plan for a class. A creative website. Who has ideas like that?

Of course, his is called GradeMyAss.net. If only I had thought of that!

Paul Rudd is an anti-semite to boot. He can play such a fantastic sleezeball.

A drunken Paul Rudd is taking everyone skinny dipping now. This isn’t going to end well. Skinny dipping is a catalyst for mishaps. Or is a mishap in and of itself.

Veronica solved the mystery, but probably didn’t, because there are 25 minutes left. I can’t fault the show for that, because House does it all the time. Whoops. The mystery is solved. Maybe there’s another mystery around here somewhere.

Piz and Veronica didn’t get Paul Rudd’s tapes back to him on time, so he could find his own courage. Like the Wizard of OZ with more facial hair!

And Mac broke up with her boyfriend. And some other plot strings were left dangling like a broken tree branch in a lonely forest.


Veronica Mars: Mars, Bars

Veronica Mars was just arrested for helping some dude escape from jail. By accident, possibly. Or possibly. Obviously possibly.

Veronica and her daddy are also searching for the Dean’s murder. Or were. Veronica is still kind of in jail. That doesn’t stop mafia guys though.

Guess who’s out of jail! That’s right, it’s Veronica! Guess who is being held by a gun wielding escape! You’re wrong. It’s Veronica. President McKinley. What were you thinking?

It’s okay. The gun belonged to the guy in the trunk. In the trunk? It’s like I’m buying some jewelry that is hot.

Logan and the secondary characters are on a scavenger hunt. They must do things like buy large condoms and take a picture of them. Seems a little trivial, when there is murder on the line.

Mac’s roommate, whose name I forgot, is falling for Logan. I think her name begins with a P. Posterior?

Hey, the Dean had inoperable cancer! That’s the kind of thing that could lead to ending it all and not murder! Or a red herring. Actually, absolutely a red herring.

Oh, the coach was dying of something, not the Dean. I should be paying more attention, and not make so many snarky comments.

The Sheriff was clubbed. The Dean’s possible murderer was shot. And Keith, the lucky stalker, showed up in time to clean up.

The coach had himself killed, due to the disease thingy. He left an explanation on DVD. That’s convenient.

Keith is temporary sheriff now. And he is getting down to business! Or biz-nass!


Veronica Mars: Postgame Mortem

Veronica MarsDo you know what I don’t like about Veronica Mars? Veronica Mars. She’s bossy, manipulative, thinks she is always right, closed off, angst ridden, sarcastic, and snoopy. Why are we supposed to like her? Because she used to be popular and now she isn’t? She hasn’t learned humility. I dislike her. There. I’m glad I finally figured that out.

Veronica and Logan are in fight. Oh no, again? My fingernails are already down to their nubs!

The hardass college basketball coach was murdered. Time for Snoopy McSnooperson to get her snoop on.

The sheriff thinks the coach’s son killed his dad. I think so too, because the commercials told me to think so. Thanks for the preview that gives too much away, CW.

Veronica uses her friends too, with little to no thanks. How many times has Weevil stuck out his neck for her? Necks get cut, which removes the head from the body. That is no good for anybody. Except the body. The body is probably, like, “Finally!”

Dick stuck Logan with the little sister of some girl he likes. Logan, all 5 o’clock shadowed up and grumpy, gets to play nanny. Of course, he will learn something about life from this little kid. Next plot point, please.

Dick was in Vegas. So, obviously, he got married. Next plot point, please!

Keith has a cameo in The Wrong Guy, a hilarious and largely unknown movie written by and starring Dave Foley. Netflix it now!

Little girl sent out a dedication on the radio to Veronica from Logan. Little girl is getting a little too snoopy for her own good. Logan had better bump her off.

Then Veronica was arrested for helping coach daddy killer escape somehow. Oh no! Sweeps!


Veronica Mars: Show Me the Monkey

Veronica MarsVeronica Mars is back! You know, until it disappears for another eight weeks on March 8th. That’s what they like to call “giving them the old broom handle up the ying-yang.”

Ed Begley Jr. was murdered last episode, so there’s a little continuing mystery. Also, test monkeys were stolen. I can’t complain about stolen monkeys. That’s a fine plot.

It’s time for the Around the World dorm party! Did anyone have one of these in college? I sure didn’t.

Keith is talking to Weevil, who is the college janitor. For the whole college? That seems impossible. Probably just part of it.

Dick just took a Polaroid of his, well, junk and threw it off the balcony. Such a crude guy. It’s fun stuff.

Veronica is going undercover with some animal activists to find the test monkeys. Hey, that’s kind of weird. Isn’t Kristen Bell a vegetarian? Hey, that’s kind of weird that I know that.

The dating scene is now open to Veronica since she and Logan split. It isn’t going well. But Mac met a nice cruelty free dude. Can we be happy for Mac just once? Let her have her moment.

Dick and trying to cheer up Logan with surfing. If only surfboards were shaped like smiles. That was insanely stupid of me. Forget I said that thing about smiles and surfboards.

Logan made it with some cheap floozy on the beach. He feels bad. He should get himself one of those feel good things. Whataretheycalled? Lobotomies!

I don’t know why Veronica Mars doesn’t thrill me. I can’t put my finger on it. It isn’t a bad show and it isn’t boring. That puts it ahead of the pack right there. But I weren’t forced to watch it, I wouldn’t. But why? What’s wrong with me?

And…Veronica and Logan are back together. Much the the chagrin of Piz. I had forgotten what Piz looked like. I’m glad they said his name.


Veronica Mars: Welcome Wagon

Veronica MarsVeronica Mars is a repeat. A repeat! Why would you vote for a repeat? Is this part of the new winter break that most shows are taking? Let us delve into this newfound bull.

All the big shows are splitting themselves into different sections which we’ll call fall and spring seasons. Lost, Jericho, Heroes, and apparently Veronica Mars. When did this become acceptable?

24, while starting late, is giving us an uninterrupted season. Again, this is a rather new development in TV seasons.

Another practice, started up by Lost, was to go past the end of the hour by a couple of minutes so they could fit in more commercials and screw over people taping things on another stations right after Lost.

TV executives are jerking us around. I am hoping that this comes back to bite them with a giant dip in viewers.

Let us think about this. 18 minutes out of every 60 is taken up by commercials, on average. In more ways than one, networks are making more money by giving us less. It’s economics on their part, but we are still part of the equation. They can’t make money if no one is watching.

But how do we stand up to lengthening commercials and these newly formed winter breaks?

Don’t worry, voters. I’m still watching Veronica Mars. Dick just got kneed in his utilities.

How do we, as viewers, win?

Letter writing campaigns never seem to work. Depriving ourselves of our favorite shows punishes us more than the networks.

Blogs seems to be the way to change things these days. If they wield enough influence, they can rally together a normally silent portion of the TV watching public.

Public image is very important to public companies. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Or WD40 if that’s your thing. Duct tape doesn’t seem to be the proper low tech tool for the analogy here.

So we need to bang on our internet pots and pans! Raise a stink on the superhighway! Flick the lights on and off to get their attention!

Dick just got beat up for hitting on someone’s girlfriend.

Have made a clear point or just stirred up more questions? Hopefully you’re a little more aware of what is going on with television. You might even have a little urge to do something about it.

And if not, at least you got to hear about Dick being kneed in the swimsuit area. So it wasn’t an entire waste for you.

Oh yeah, and Lost is being bumped back an hour when it comes back. They’re too scared to compete with American Idol. What a sad state of affairs. Do you think Fox will be jerks and extend American Idol episodes to mess with Lost? Absolute power corrupts absolutely.


Veronica Mars: Spit & Eggs

Veronica MarsAt the end of last episode of Veronica Mars, it appeared that the angry feminists faked all the Hearst College rapes. Now Roni is running down the hall, in a flurry, with head wounds. Curiosity something something cat.

Now it’s two days earlier. So time had passed since last episode, but now it hasn’t. And there is still a rapist at large. And the Greek institution are being dismantled. And Logan is breaking up with Veronica. And, no, that’s it.

William F. Buckley, Jr. is taking a meeting with a cigar chomping fellow who likes to watch sorority girls. Or used to like watching sorority girls when he went the Hearst. That probably isn’t something you grow out of. And now the Dean is hiring Mr. Mars to look in on his wife.

Veronica is crying in the shower. Her water is probably too cold. It is upsetting.

Now the Dean has somehow voted to keep the Greek system on campus. This is all happening very quickly.

The angry feminists are egging and shaking the Dean’s minivan. It probably needed a wash anyway. No harm, no foul.

Veronica is planning on staking out the Pi Sig blowout. The rapist put an ad in the newspaper, somehow, saying he would strike at the party. How can the party not be hoping with a Neil Diamond impersonator. If there is one thing worse than Neil Diamond, it’s a Neil Diamond impersonator.

Hey, it looks like the Dean is going to murder his cheating wife! Or he will be blamed for it. And the season’s mystery will continue.

Veronica found out who was going to be raped next. And we know who it is! Or we would, if I could remember names and faces. Wait, was he at the Pi Sig party taking tickets? I think so. Then Veronica stabbed him with a unicorn. His name is Mercer. It looks like he’s working with the nice RA too. Who, in turn, drugged Veronica after he “saved” her.

Need I say, this is a good episode? Nice and intense for the end of sweeps.

Lucky for Veronica, she found a hammer and also had a rape whistle.

Oh no! The Dean is going to be shot! He said “What are you doing here” to a shadow.

Rapists caught. Problem solved. Hold on a minute! Logan attacked a police car so he could get thrown in jail and beat up the rapists! Brilliant!

And poor Weevil found the Dean shot in the head.

Things are finally starting to look awesome for this season of Veronica Mars. It’s about damn time.


Veronica Mars: Lord of the Pi’s

Veronica Mars was drugged and assaulted last episode. She’s missing a little hair in the back of her head. She will be in just that spot. I bet it feels like a ghost is always poking her head.

Logan is trying to get Veronica to stop investigating the rape case. You know, since she was attacked last episode. The thing is, Veronica doesn’t take kindly to demands.

The dean of Veronica’s school thinks the grandkid of the founder of the college was abducted from a party in her honor. The Mars’ are on the case.

The Pi Sig fraternity brothers are starting their yearly sex contest, where they get points depending on who they screw. You know, while there is a rape scandal going on and a vote to put an end to fraternities on campus.

The leader of the Pi Sig wound up in his underwear, on the campus lawn, with his head shaved and an easter egg shoved up his bee hind. That is not easy like Sunday morning.

They one abducted lady is just hiding. In her home. I wish I could be paid to find someone who wasn’t lost.

Awesome. Logan secretly hired a bodyguard for Veronica. She has been a little spooked all episode. Spooked that someone was following her. And they were! But he was a good shadow! Not those evil shadows that drag Adam West down to hell. What’s that? You’ve never seen Zombie Nightmare? That’s probably for the best.

Ah ha! The crazy feminists faked all the rapes to get the Greeks off campus. The frats, not the actual Greek people. That would be racist, like Michael Richards.


Veronica Mars: Of Vice and Men

Veronica Mars starts with Veronica being mad at her dad and the return of Piz. Hooray, Piz! His name is Piz!

Nope. Still don’t like the new remixed opening.

Veronica is on the case of a missing boyfriend. Not her own, but somebody else’s. It’s only a matter of time before Veronica and Logan break up. Let me start my stopwatch.

Whoops! And then half of my Veronica Mars blog disappears. I said a whole bunch of witty things. You should have seen it! Stupid internet.

Logan has an alibi for his accused rapist friend. Too bad it involved burning down a Mexican hotel. Too bad he didn’t come clean to Veronica with it. I don’t think the passage of time has made her any less mad.

And Keith was caught cheating with a married woman. Now he is on the other side of the lens. Now he knows how it feels. Maybe he’ll give up the private eye business and run a restaurant.

Veronica’s college foot court has a Chili’s in it. Chili’s gets around. It is mentioned many times in The Office too. Uh oh, Veronica left her drink unattended. That’s a good way to get drugged.

Veronica is acting uncharacteristically stupid. She left the food court while drugged. Then a hooded man came out of the shadows and shaved part of her head. Luckily, Logan was nearby to save the day.




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