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Survivor: Cook Islands

Survivor: Cook IslandsA new season of Survivor is upon us, and with it comes controversy. Apparently, there is this thing called “race” that I have never heard of. From what I hear, you can divide people into categories by “race” in the same way you could with “gender” or “eye color.” I have never heard of “gender” or “eye color” before either. Wouldn’t it be easier if we were all blind and deaf? Also, we could live in tiny single person boxes under the ground.

Asian-American, Caucasian, Latino, and African-American is how the tribes are originally split up. I prefer to be called a Caucasian-American, thank you very much. This show is racial insensitive towards me.

All the survivors were rushed off a boat on to rafts with minimal supplies. Now they must survive on their race alone. Wits. I mean wits.

The Latinos think they have an advantage because they grew up in tropical areas. The Asian-Americans think they have the advantage because they will be underestimated. Then I stopped paying attention.

The Caucasian team…screw it, I’m calling them white. The white team stole someone else’s chicken from the boat. Accidentally, maybe. That doesn’t matter, because some girl calling herself Flicka lifted up the box that was trapping the chickens and they ran away. Idiot. White people are so stupid.

The African-American team is having a lot of trouble making fire. That means it is a fact that black people can’t make fires. I will hold that against them. Wait a second…I can’t make fire from rubbing sticks together either! Either I’m black, or everyone can’t make fire by rubbing sticks together. I’m so confused. Am I supposed to be picking these things out or not?

A whale! I just saw a whale! I hope a tribe totally kills and eats a whale.

The winners of the first challenge win fire and immunity. It involves putting together puzzles. Old people should be so good at Survivor.

The Asian-Americans, Latinos, and Caucasians win the first challenge. They all get fire. The African-American team gets to go to tribal council and lose a member, but they get to send one member from another team to Exile Island.

Remember Pleasure Island from Pinocchio? There has to be more to pleasure than just playing pool and smoking cigars.

What I find weird is that each race has two separate genders, male and female. Is that right? Do all races have two genders? Who knew?

The white guy who stole the chicken was sent to Exile Island. It looks even more miserable than the island from last season.

The guys on the black team, who are in the minority…the gender minority, are trying to get one of the women’s vote by telling her that the women can’t survive without the men. I think the fellas may want to rethink their strategy.

Did I mention there were run aground pirate ships everywhere? There are. Pirates don’t like being the backdrop to anything.

Sekou, the jazz musician who though women were weak, was voted out. The African-American team is racist because they voted an African-American person out.

I don’t think I learned anything about anything today.

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