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Lost: The Other Woman

Lost! Let’s start.

We start with a flash-forward from Juliet. Psych! It’s a flash-back from when Juliet arrived on the island. Man, you should have seen your face. J.J. Abrams got you so bad!

Back in the present, the boat people disappear into the woods so Juliet goes out to look for her. Juliet finds her therapist in the woods, who isn’t a weird ghost. She warns that the boat people are going to release gas on the island to kill everyone.

Also, there are whispers everywhere in the woods. Doesn’t Walt usually accompany those whispers? Or, you know, death?

In the past, Juliet treats the therapist’s husband for a chemical burn. Who, on a messed up island, isn’t going to make a little meth?

The Tempest is the Dharma station that powers the island. It will also release poison gas to the whole island. The power is really just a bonus alongside killing everyone.

Kate was stupid, and the boat people smacked her over the head. Kate should change her name to Liability.

Juliet has been sleeping with the therapist’s husband. Which is a no-no, because it seems she was brought to the island to save babies and Ben. Not to save Ben. For Ben. Like a mail order bride.

Therapist’s husband was one of the Others who infiltrated the tale end folks. Which means he is good and dead. Or at least dead. “Good” was an assumption on my part. Apart from the affair, I don’t have anything else to judge his character by. Maybe he fixed cleft pallets in his off time.

Ben and Locke are really bonding. Not sarcastically. Ben is showing Locke the man who wants to find and exploit the island. Locke wouldn’t want that. Let’s see if the dynamics change again.

After some tense moments, it turns out the boat people hired by the evil man were trying to stop the evil gas from going and killing. The gas isn’t really evil, I suppose. Gas is gas. Unless it silent.

The last show is Ben walking around. He must have told Locke something good. That was an alright episode of Lost. I wasn’t thrilled, but I wasn’t spectacularly let down.

Lost: The Constant

Lost is one of my favorite shows. I would have watched it anyway. So here this here is a bonus. Here come the spoilers.

To get off of the island, you need to go on a very specific trajectory. Even if it means flying directly into a thunderhead. Which Sayid and Desmond just did. When things went south, Desmond’s mind flashed into the future. Or the past. Then back. Then he didn’t know who Sayid was.

This flying helicopter (oh yeah, they were on a helicopter) left the island a day ago. But really they’re only 20 minutes out. Time is really messed up on the island. Or better than ever.

Surprisingly, there is an actual boat the helicopter got to it. It seems like a time wall fried Desmond’s brain, which happens to everyone now and again. He is on the boat saying he doesn’t know Sayid. And now he’s in a military campy. He’s jumping through time more than Billy Pilgrim.

Now Desmond is in a sick bay with someone suffering the same way he has. You see, some people get a little messed up when coming from and going to the island. I blame Einstein. Or Stephen Hawking. Desmond thinks it’s 1996.

Some mathy guy on the island figured Desmond is going into the past on his flashes. He gave him orders to get on a train and find him. In the past. Also, the doctor in the sick bay flipped an alarm and it took about 10 minutes for anyone to respond on the small boat. I mean, I’m lazy. But that’s really lazy.

Mathy guy seems a little Charlie Manson in the past. In the past, as an Oxford professor, he is trying to send rats through time to run races. Or run away from Rat Race. Either is a noble pursuit.

Penny, Hanso, the Black Rock. We’re getting a lot of mythology in our episode today. I forgot about most of these things. Except for Penny. Desmond won’t shut up about her.

Desmond needs a constant in his lives if he doesn’t want to have a brain aneurysm. He is broken up with Penny in the past, but needs her number so he can call her in the future. That’ll fix his brain up proper. Penny knows about the island and she has been searching for Desmond. Then they had a sweet and darling conversation before the phone batteries went dead.

A pretty good episode by my account. A lot of information about time and mysteries on the island. Hooray for Lost.

Lost: I Do

This is the last new episode of Lost until 2007.

Nathan Fillion, of Firefly and Slither fame guest stars in this episode. He is the only one who could save a Kate-centered flashback.

Jack, in the present, has decided not to operate on Ben’s spine tumor. He was pretty brutal when explaining his decision to Ben. No matter. Ben will just threaten someone he cares about.

Nathan nipple, front and center. I’m sure James Gunn would have some stinging comment about that.

Kevin, Nathan’s character, is marrying Monica. I mean, Kate. He called her Monica. Either I need a cochlear implant or something tricky is going on.

Alex, Russo’s daughter that the Others captured, came into the Other’s camp and assaulted some folks with a slingshot. She is no horrible outdated cartoon of a overall-wearing kid with a big cowlick, but she has pretty good aim.

Then Kate put a bag over her head because they told her to, which would have been contrasted nicely by her putting on her wedding veil. Instead, they just cut to her standing in front of a mirror in her wedding dress. Nice missed opportunity there, storyboard editors.

And then Monica married Kevin with no problems. Until later, I am assuming.

Kate is still a wanted criminal in her flashback. She married Kevin under a false name, and she pleaded with that US Marshall on the phone to stop chasing her. We all know that isn’t going to happen. Because, you know, Kate ended up on this island with the US Marshall.

Sawyer and Kate and sharing some deep kisses. And soon, they will be doing it. Which means one of them has to die, right? Those are the rules of the island. But they aren’t on their island anymore. Hmmm, tricky.

Oh yeah, I think I forgot to mention that Kevin is a cop.

Jack was allowed to momentarily escape. He had just enough time to grab a gun and see that Sawyer and Kate had hooked up via camera. Then Jack decided to do Ben’s surgery. That sounds entirely planned out to me. I thought Jack was too smart to fall the Others’ tricks. Oh well.

Kate explained to Kevin that she was a fugitive, drugged him, and then ran away. Always on the run, Kate. Are you so afraid of being loved? And taco night?

Jack is holding a bleeding and anestitised Ben hostage while he commands Kate and Sawyer to get to safety. And there is your last new Lost until February. As if the show’s ratings weren’t already going down, this isn’t going to help.

Lost: The Cost of Living

LostLost has two new episodes left until their winter break. After tonight, there will be one. Thank goodness tonight is Mr. Eko based. That should mean this episode will be excellent. Mr. Eko is still reeling from being attacked by a polar bear. Then he saw his dead brother. Shortly after this, he disappeared into the jungle while in a delirious state. Probably to find polar bears having picnics with teddy bears.

Jack is playing games with Ben now. Not Parcheesi. Mind games. While Jack was trying to save the live of an Other, he saw x-rays of someone with a tumor on their spine. As a spinal surgeon, Jack is in a prime position for leverage.

Locke and Sayid are off to their own jungle adventure. They plan to find Mr. Eko and find the Darhma Pearl station. They will then try to communicate with the others. Those boys have themselves a full plate. That can’t continue on to the next episode until they clean their plates.

Wait a second! Mr. Eko is alone in the jungle? Hello, return of the mysterious black smoke! I forgot all about that.

With Jack gone, Locke is back to his old self. Too bad is backgammon buddy is gone. With both Boone and Shannon out of the picture, there also seems to be a new brother and sister with a similar relationship have come to the forefront of characters. You know, they’ve been on the island the whole time.

Ben comes to Jack for help. The search party finds Mr. Eko. Everything is going well for everybody! Hold up, the burnt corpse of Mr. Eko’s brother is gone. That can’t be good. Ooooh, what if the island become infested with zombies?

Back in the Pearl, Sayid got another monitoring TV to work. What we saw looked like a replica of the Swan. It also had a man with an eye patch looking back at our adventurous friends. They were looking at him twice as hard. You know, because they had two good eyes.

The nice Other also wants Jack to kill Ben on the operating table. It might be a trick. It probably is a trick. The Others never say anything without twenty different meanings behind it.

Mr. Eko just killed a bunch of people in his flashback too. This has been a fantastic episode so far!

Then the cloud of smoke beat up Mr. Eko until he died. Then he whispered to Locke that they were next. The curse of being pulled over in Hawaii for drunk driving continues.

I was not expecting Mr. Eko to die. Hooray for Lost!

Lost: Every Man For Himself

LostThis episode of Lost revolves around Jack watching Warner Bros. cartoons. Or more than that. I’m jumping to conclusions.

The Others are worried because one of their own was shot while stealing the boat Sun was on. Sun, the person. Not the Kellogg’s Raisin Bran sun. He would have dumped two scoops of raisins on the Others.

Sawyer gets a flashback this episode. He is on the inside. Jail, that is. Texas T. Wait, that’s not right.

In the present, Sawyer cooked up a plan to electrocute Henry Gale. I mean, Ben. Ben is Big Brother. He has cameras everywhere. And then a giant needle was plunged into Sawyer’s heart.

Now a rabbit with the number 8 painted on it is set on Sawyer’s chest. Then Ben scared the rabbit to death. Why? To prove to Sawyer that his new pacemaker will give out if he tries to escape. A pacemaker to keep him in line? An iron lung would work better.

Flashback. Sawyer has a daughter. He is surprised and angered by this. It is okay, he doesn’t have a pacemaker in the past. Pacemakers don’t work like that.

Jack has been tapped to save the Other that was shot by Sun. Too bad the crash cart was broken, or else she may have lived. This enrages her Other husband enough to beat up Sawyer until Kate admits she loves Sawyer. The other wasn’t a polygamist. I said her Other husband, not her other husband.

We know Sawyer pulls cons. Can’t we get something else from his flashbacks? Sure, the con is happening in jail, where he was put for pulling a con. But it is still a con. Awww, but he was working for the government. As a reward, he gets to go free and a commission. The commission is going to his daughter. That’s a little different, I suppose.

Sawyer’s heart is fine. His home island is a long ways away. This was all a big trick to keep him in line. Everyone is the same as they always were.

Except someone has a tumor. Dun dun DUN!

Lost: Further Instructions

LostLost finally brings us back to Locke and Mr. Eko, after their little Swan station fiasco. It did a good job of exploding or imploding. We’ll find out which.

Locke is lying outside, speechless, as a shirtless Desmond runs by. Charlie acts like nothing much has happened when Locke returns. And Locke still can’t speak. But, through a bit of charades, lets it be known that he must speak to the island. He didn’t even need to tell Charlie that it was a two syllable word.

How do you communicate with an island? Build a sweat lodge!

Oooh, and it is a Locke flashback episode. Do we finally learn how he lost the use of his legs? Hey, wait, “lost” the use of his legs? I think I have this show figured out!

Charlie is standing guard outside of Locke’s little sweat lodge. Why stand guard? Because dead Boone is paying Locke a visit. And then it gets trippier. Do you want me to explain it? Ummm, hmmm. How do I do this? Pretend you’re in a hospital that is actually an airport filled with your island buddies being pushed around by the man whose death you caused. Does that work for you? Out of that, Locke got that he needed to save Mr. Eko.

For some reason, Charlie is tagging along with Locke. You know, even after Locke punched him a bunch of times in the face last season. Locke believes that a polar bear took Mr. Eko.

It looks like the hatch did implode, as was my suspicion. There is no time for speculation on that now! Polar bears are after them! And then Locke threw a knife at Hurley. He is big like a bear, but he lacks the distinctive white hair.

In Locke’s flashbacks, he brought a hitchhiker to his commune. Oh yeah, he lives on a commune now. The hitchhiker is trouble. He thinks the commune folks are planning to blow up something because they have a greenhouse full of fertilizer. Maybe the hitchhiker isn’t really aware of what communes are.

My mistake about Desmond. He isn’t shirtless. He is naked. Hurley gave him some clothes that Desmond could make two outfits out of. You know, because Hurley is a big guy.

The hitchhiker is actually an undercover cop who has been gathering info on the commune’s little pot deal. Locke gets screwed over by everyone.

In other news, Locke sprayed the polar bear with fire and hairspray. And he found Mr. Eko.

And now we come up against the 20th commercial this episode.

Wait, hold on, can Desmond see the future now? He heard that Locke was going to go after Jack, Kate, and Sawyer. Locke said so in his speech. What speech? I believe it is a future speech. Future! And here is the speech! It is now the future.

Locke’s flashback ended with him letting the cop leave. That was kind of pointless. More people were beating down on poor Locke. That was about it.

It was still a fun and weird and crazy episode with polar bears and hallucinations. I’ll take it.

Lost: The Glass Ballerina

LostThink fast! Lost is on again! We start on a shot of a falling glass ballerina. And with that, the mystery of the episode’s title is solved. One mystery down, a billion to go.

Syid still thinks Jack is coming to the signal fire he lit last season. Little does he know, Jack is far away. Or really close. Or underwater. Or only pretending to be under water. What’s the deal?

Ben, who was known as Henry Gale, is after the boat that Syid, Sun, and Jin are floating around on. It’s an okay boat. I wouldn’t turn my nose up at it. I’d probably just sell it though.

Sawyer is pretty cocky about getting his fish biscuits from the puzzle food machine for bears. That sentence makes me happy.

In a simple soap opera move, Sun cheated on Jin and slept with her English coach. So whose baby in Sun carrying? Meh. But Sun’s blue blooded hotel owning father found out about it. Still I say “meh.” Soap opera typical.

What about Sawyer and dull as dishwater Kate? Why, they are the Others’ forced labor! If they step out of line, they get shocked. Actually, if Kate steps out of line, Sawyer gets shocked. It isn’t a good deal for Sawyer.

Oh hey! Jin does dirty deeds for Sun’s father. He wants Jin to kill Sun’s English teacher, but he doesn’t tell him why. That’s a bit more interesting than your standard soap opera fare. I’m sorry I doubted you Lost.

Kate was just whispered at by the girl that helped Claire escape from the Others. She is the assumed daughter of Rousseau, the crazy baby stealing lady. Yeah yeah, if you don’t know what I’m talking about why are you even reading this? Watch the DVDs already!

Sayid isn’t setting the fires for Jack. He is setting it for the Others, so he can beat them up. Sayid has pie in the sky hopes.

Swayer got beat up and tasered for kissing Kate. And they say the sexes are equal. Pishaw, I say.

Now the Others have the boat. That was a super good trap Sayid. You thought that one through to the end! All the ins and out were thought through to the very end. Your bases were covered and you weren’t allowing one more run to be scored.

Ben has lived on the island all of his life. That could be a lie. Now he is showing Jack a video. A video of the Red Sox winning the World Series. It was weird having their situation put into perspective to the outside world.

But never mind that now. Next week we find out what happened to Locke and Mr. Eko!

Lost: A Tale of Two Cities

LostCan you believe that Lost is finally here? Hooray.

We start off in the flashback of a new character. We are at the Other’s camp at the time our main character’s plane went down. They have pine trees at their well maintained camp. Henry Gale is certainly in charge, and instructs everyone on how to infiltrate the survivors. Man, I missed this show.

Flash quickly to…doctor…something…I can’t think of his name. See what your break did to me, Lost? I forgot Matthew Fox’s character’s name. Anywho, his wife was cheating on him in the flashback, and now he is trapped in a dark detention center.

Kate is on the bathroom floor, probably after drinking too much Dharma brand vodka.

Sawyer, the unlucky guy he is, gets stuck in a cage outside. They have all been injected or had blood drawn or something. They have little ouchies covered by band-aids. Sawyer has a big food button that doesn’t give food, but gave him a nice shock. He’s like the monkey with the boxes and the banana hanging above him.

Jack and his wife are now going through divorce proceedings. He made her walk just so she can walk out on him. Ouch.

Kate was forced to take a shower, and now her clothes are gone. In their place, a sun dress. She might be better off with the Others. Now she gets to have a meal with Henry Gale on an empty beach? If Kate doesn’t want that, I’ll take it.

Henry let Kate know that the next two weeks are going to be very unpleasant. What does that mean? You know, you waste an awful lot of your time asking questions about Lost. Just let it happen. Let it wash over you, like a calming wave of vanilla pudding. You’ll feel better.

Jack, in flashbacks, is trying to find out the name of the man his wife was cheating with. And, back in the present time, his dad’s voice is coming through the busted intercom in his cell.

Some blue shirted fellow in another cage escaped and let Sawyer loose. He was quickly shot in the neck with a dart. Blue shirt was made to apologize to Sawyer for involving him in his own escape attempt. That Others can sure act polite sometimes.

Ooooh, so mean. Jack has been refusing to eat or drink water. To do so, he would need to sit at the other side of the room. Which he finally gave in and did. At which point, the Other girl walked out of the room with the food. Nice.

Rats, she was going through the other door. At which point, Jack ran and tackled her. It’s Henry Gale to the rescue. Or not. Jack opens up a door that makes water rush into wherever they are. So they’re under water?

Sawyer figured out how to get his food pellets. Good for him. Kate also got put into a cage next to him. So that’s kind of a reward for him. I hate Kate.

Jack is in the Hydra station, which is under water. Mystery girl is named Julia. Henry Gale is named Ben. Hey, what happened to Locke? Did he explode? Oh, right. What did I write about asking questions?

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