Lost: The Other Woman

Lost! Let’s start.

We start with a flash-forward from Juliet. Psych! It’s a flash-back from when Juliet arrived on the island. Man, you should have seen your face. J.J. Abrams got you so bad!

Back in the present, the boat people disappear into the woods so Juliet goes out to look for her. Juliet finds her therapist in the woods, who isn’t a weird ghost. She warns that the boat people are going to release gas on the island to kill everyone.

Also, there are whispers everywhere in the woods. Doesn’t Walt usually accompany those whispers? Or, you know, death?

In the past, Juliet treats the therapist’s husband for a chemical burn. Who, on a messed up island, isn’t going to make a little meth?

The Tempest is the Dharma station that powers the island. It will also release poison gas to the whole island. The power is really just a bonus alongside killing everyone.

Kate was stupid, and the boat people smacked her over the head. Kate should change her name to Liability.

Juliet has been sleeping with the therapist’s husband. Which is a no-no, because it seems she was brought to the island to save babies and Ben. Not to save Ben. For Ben. Like a mail order bride.

Therapist’s husband was one of the Others who infiltrated the tale end folks. Which means he is good and dead. Or at least dead. “Good” was an assumption on my part. Apart from the affair, I don’t have anything else to judge his character by. Maybe he fixed cleft pallets in his off time.

Ben and Locke are really bonding. Not sarcastically. Ben is showing Locke the man who wants to find and exploit the island. Locke wouldn’t want that. Let’s see if the dynamics change again.

After some tense moments, it turns out the boat people hired by the evil man were trying to stop the evil gas from going and killing. The gas isn’t really evil, I suppose. Gas is gas. Unless it silent.

The last show is Ben walking around. He must have told Locke something good. That was an alright episode of Lost. I wasn’t thrilled, but I wasn’t spectacularly let down.

Lost: The Constant

Lost is one of my favorite shows. I would have watched it anyway. So here this here is a bonus. Here come the spoilers.

To get off of the island, you need to go on a very specific trajectory. Even if it means flying directly into a thunderhead. Which Sayid and Desmond just did. When things went south, Desmond’s mind flashed into the future. Or the past. Then back. Then he didn’t know who Sayid was.

This flying helicopter (oh yeah, they were on a helicopter) left the island a day ago. But really they’re only 20 minutes out. Time is really messed up on the island. Or better than ever.

Surprisingly, there is an actual boat the helicopter got to it. It seems like a time wall fried Desmond’s brain, which happens to everyone now and again. He is on the boat saying he doesn’t know Sayid. And now he’s in a military campy. He’s jumping through time more than Billy Pilgrim.

Now Desmond is in a sick bay with someone suffering the same way he has. You see, some people get a little messed up when coming from and going to the island. I blame Einstein. Or Stephen Hawking. Desmond thinks it’s 1996.

Some mathy guy on the island figured Desmond is going into the past on his flashes. He gave him orders to get on a train and find him. In the past. Also, the doctor in the sick bay flipped an alarm and it took about 10 minutes for anyone to respond on the small boat. I mean, I’m lazy. But that’s really lazy.

Mathy guy seems a little Charlie Manson in the past. In the past, as an Oxford professor, he is trying to send rats through time to run races. Or run away from Rat Race. Either is a noble pursuit.

Penny, Hanso, the Black Rock. We’re getting a lot of mythology in our episode today. I forgot about most of these things. Except for Penny. Desmond won’t shut up about her.

Desmond needs a constant in his lives if he doesn’t want to have a brain aneurysm. He is broken up with Penny in the past, but needs her number so he can call her in the future. That’ll fix his brain up proper. Penny knows about the island and she has been searching for Desmond. Then they had a sweet and darling conversation before the phone batteries went dead.

A pretty good episode by my account. A lot of information about time and mysteries on the island. Hooray for Lost.

Lost: I Do

This is the last new episode of Lost until 2007.

Nathan Fillion, of Firefly and Slither fame guest stars in this episode. He is the only one who could save a Kate-centered flashback.

Jack, in the present, has decided not to operate on Ben’s spine tumor. He was pretty brutal when explaining his decision to Ben. No matter. Ben will just threaten someone he cares about.

Nathan nipple, front and center. I’m sure James Gunn would have some stinging comment about that.

Kevin, Nathan’s character, is marrying Monica. I mean, Kate. He called her Monica. Either I need a cochlear implant or something tricky is going on.

Alex, Russo’s daughter that the Others captured, came into the Other’s camp and assaulted some folks with a slingshot. She is no horrible outdated cartoon of a overall-wearing kid with a big cowlick, but she has pretty good aim.

Then Kate put a bag over her head because they told her to, which would have been contrasted nicely by her putting on her wedding veil. Instead, they just cut to her standing in front of a mirror in her wedding dress. Nice missed opportunity there, storyboard editors.

And then Monica married Kevin with no problems. Until later, I am assuming.

Kate is still a wanted criminal in her flashback. She married Kevin under a false name, and she pleaded with that US Marshall on the phone to stop chasing her. We all know that isn’t going to happen. Because, you know, Kate ended up on this island with the US Marshall.

Sawyer and Kate and sharing some deep kisses. And soon, they will be doing it. Which means one of them has to die, right? Those are the rules of the island. But they aren’t on their island anymore. Hmmm, tricky.

Oh yeah, I think I forgot to mention that Kevin is a cop.

Jack was allowed to momentarily escape. He had just enough time to grab a gun and see that Sawyer and Kate had hooked up via camera. Then Jack decided to do Ben’s surgery. That sounds entirely planned out to me. I thought Jack was too smart to fall the Others’ tricks. Oh well.

Kate explained to Kevin that she was a fugitive, drugged him, and then ran away. Always on the run, Kate. Are you so afraid of being loved? And taco night?

Jack is holding a bleeding and anestitised Ben hostage while he commands Kate and Sawyer to get to safety. And there is your last new Lost until February. As if the show’s ratings weren’t already going down, this isn’t going to help.

Lost: The Cost of Living

Lost

LostLost has two new episodes left until their winter break. After tonight, there will be one. Thank goodness tonight is Mr. Eko based. That should mean this episode will be excellent. Mr. Eko is still reeling from being attacked by a polar bear. Then he saw his dead brother. Shortly after this, he disappeared into the jungle while in a delirious state. Probably to find polar bears having picnics with teddy bears.

Jack is playing games with Ben now. Not Parcheesi. Mind games. While Jack was trying to save the live of an Other, he saw x-rays of someone with a tumor on their spine. As a spinal surgeon, Jack is in a prime position for leverage.

Locke and Sayid are off to their own jungle adventure. They plan to find Mr. Eko and find the Darhma Pearl station. They will then try to communicate with the others. Those boys have themselves a full plate. That can’t continue on to the next episode until they clean their plates.

Wait a second! Mr. Eko is alone in the jungle? Hello, return of the mysterious black smoke! I forgot all about that.

With Jack gone, Locke is back to his old self. Too bad is backgammon buddy is gone. With both Boone and Shannon out of the picture, there also seems to be a new brother and sister with a similar relationship have come to the forefront of characters. You know, they’ve been on the island the whole time.

Ben comes to Jack for help. The search party finds Mr. Eko. Everything is going well for everybody! Hold up, the burnt corpse of Mr. Eko’s brother is gone. That can’t be good. Ooooh, what if the island become infested with zombies?

Back in the Pearl, Sayid got another monitoring TV to work. What we saw looked like a replica of the Swan. It also had a man with an eye patch looking back at our adventurous friends. They were looking at him twice as hard. You know, because they had two good eyes.

The nice Other also wants Jack to kill Ben on the operating table. It might be a trick. It probably is a trick. The Others never say anything without twenty different meanings behind it.

Mr. Eko just killed a bunch of people in his flashback too. This has been a fantastic episode so far!

Then the cloud of smoke beat up Mr. Eko until he died. Then he whispered to Locke that they were next. The curse of being pulled over in Hawaii for drunk driving continues.

I was not expecting Mr. Eko to die. Hooray for Lost!

Lost: Every Man For Himself

Lost

LostThis episode of Lost revolves around Jack watching Warner Bros. cartoons. Or more than that. I’m jumping to conclusions.

The Others are worried because one of their own was shot while stealing the boat Sun was on. Sun, the person. Not the Kellogg’s Raisin Bran sun. He would have dumped two scoops of raisins on the Others.

Sawyer gets a flashback this episode. He is on the inside. Jail, that is. Texas T. Wait, that’s not right.

In the present, Sawyer cooked up a plan to electrocute Henry Gale. I mean, Ben. Ben is Big Brother. He has cameras everywhere. And then a giant needle was plunged into Sawyer’s heart.

Now a rabbit with the number 8 painted on it is set on Sawyer’s chest. Then Ben scared the rabbit to death. Why? To prove to Sawyer that his new pacemaker will give out if he tries to escape. A pacemaker to keep him in line? An iron lung would work better.

Flashback. Sawyer has a daughter. He is surprised and angered by this. It is okay, he doesn’t have a pacemaker in the past. Pacemakers don’t work like that.

Jack has been tapped to save the Other that was shot by Sun. Too bad the crash cart was broken, or else she may have lived. This enrages her Other husband enough to beat up Sawyer until Kate admits she loves Sawyer. The other wasn’t a polygamist. I said her Other husband, not her other husband.

We know Sawyer pulls cons. Can’t we get something else from his flashbacks? Sure, the con is happening in jail, where he was put for pulling a con. But it is still a con. Awww, but he was working for the government. As a reward, he gets to go free and a commission. The commission is going to his daughter. That’s a little different, I suppose.

Sawyer’s heart is fine. His home island is a long ways away. This was all a big trick to keep him in line. Everyone is the same as they always were.

Except someone has a tumor. Dun dun DUN!

Lost: Further Instructions

Lost

LostLost finally brings us back to Locke and Mr. Eko, after their little Swan station fiasco. It did a good job of exploding or imploding. We’ll find out which.

Locke is lying outside, speechless, as a shirtless Desmond runs by. Charlie acts like nothing much has happened when Locke returns. And Locke still can’t speak. But, through a bit of charades, lets it be known that he must speak to the island. He didn’t even need to tell Charlie that it was a two syllable word.

How do you communicate with an island? Build a sweat lodge!

Oooh, and it is a Locke flashback episode. Do we finally learn how he lost the use of his legs? Hey, wait, “lost” the use of his legs? I think I have this show figured out!

Charlie is standing guard outside of Locke’s little sweat lodge. Why stand guard? Because dead Boone is paying Locke a visit. And then it gets trippier. Do you want me to explain it? Ummm, hmmm. How do I do this? Pretend you’re in a hospital that is actually an airport filled with your island buddies being pushed around by the man whose death you caused. Does that work for you? Out of that, Locke got that he needed to save Mr. Eko.

For some reason, Charlie is tagging along with Locke. You know, even after Locke punched him a bunch of times in the face last season. Locke believes that a polar bear took Mr. Eko.

It looks like the hatch did implode, as was my suspicion. There is no time for speculation on that now! Polar bears are after them! And then Locke threw a knife at Hurley. He is big like a bear, but he lacks the distinctive white hair.

In Locke’s flashbacks, he brought a hitchhiker to his commune. Oh yeah, he lives on a commune now. The hitchhiker is trouble. He thinks the commune folks are planning to blow up something because they have a greenhouse full of fertilizer. Maybe the hitchhiker isn’t really aware of what communes are.

My mistake about Desmond. He isn’t shirtless. He is naked. Hurley gave him some clothes that Desmond could make two outfits out of. You know, because Hurley is a big guy.

The hitchhiker is actually an undercover cop who has been gathering info on the commune’s little pot deal. Locke gets screwed over by everyone.

In other news, Locke sprayed the polar bear with fire and hairspray. And he found Mr. Eko.

And now we come up against the 20th commercial this episode.

Wait, hold on, can Desmond see the future now? He heard that Locke was going to go after Jack, Kate, and Sawyer. Locke said so in his speech. What speech? I believe it is a future speech. Future! And here is the speech! It is now the future.

Locke’s flashback ended with him letting the cop leave. That was kind of pointless. More people were beating down on poor Locke. That was about it.

It was still a fun and weird and crazy episode with polar bears and hallucinations. I’ll take it.

Lost: The Glass Ballerina

Lost

LostThink fast! Lost is on again! We start on a shot of a falling glass ballerina. And with that, the mystery of the episode’s title is solved. One mystery down, a billion to go.

Syid still thinks Jack is coming to the signal fire he lit last season. Little does he know, Jack is far away. Or really close. Or underwater. Or only pretending to be under water. What’s the deal?

Ben, who was known as Henry Gale, is after the boat that Syid, Sun, and Jin are floating around on. It’s an okay boat. I wouldn’t turn my nose up at it. I’d probably just sell it though.

Sawyer is pretty cocky about getting his fish biscuits from the puzzle food machine for bears. That sentence makes me happy.

In a simple soap opera move, Sun cheated on Jin and slept with her English coach. So whose baby in Sun carrying? Meh. But Sun’s blue blooded hotel owning father found out about it. Still I say “meh.” Soap opera typical.

What about Sawyer and dull as dishwater Kate? Why, they are the Others’ forced labor! If they step out of line, they get shocked. Actually, if Kate steps out of line, Sawyer gets shocked. It isn’t a good deal for Sawyer.

Oh hey! Jin does dirty deeds for Sun’s father. He wants Jin to kill Sun’s English teacher, but he doesn’t tell him why. That’s a bit more interesting than your standard soap opera fare. I’m sorry I doubted you Lost.

Kate was just whispered at by the girl that helped Claire escape from the Others. She is the assumed daughter of Rousseau, the crazy baby stealing lady. Yeah yeah, if you don’t know what I’m talking about why are you even reading this? Watch the DVDs already!

Sayid isn’t setting the fires for Jack. He is setting it for the Others, so he can beat them up. Sayid has pie in the sky hopes.

Swayer got beat up and tasered for kissing Kate. And they say the sexes are equal. Pishaw, I say.

Now the Others have the boat. That was a super good trap Sayid. You thought that one through to the end! All the ins and out were thought through to the very end. Your bases were covered and you weren’t allowing one more run to be scored.

Ben has lived on the island all of his life. That could be a lie. Now he is showing Jack a video. A video of the Red Sox winning the World Series. It was weird having their situation put into perspective to the outside world.

But never mind that now. Next week we find out what happened to Locke and Mr. Eko!

Lost: A Tale of Two Cities

Lost

LostCan you believe that Lost is finally here? Hooray.

We start off in the flashback of a new character. We are at the Other’s camp at the time our main character’s plane went down. They have pine trees at their well maintained camp. Henry Gale is certainly in charge, and instructs everyone on how to infiltrate the survivors. Man, I missed this show.

Flash quickly to…doctor…something…I can’t think of his name. See what your break did to me, Lost? I forgot Matthew Fox’s character’s name. Anywho, his wife was cheating on him in the flashback, and now he is trapped in a dark detention center.

Kate is on the bathroom floor, probably after drinking too much Dharma brand vodka.

Sawyer, the unlucky guy he is, gets stuck in a cage outside. They have all been injected or had blood drawn or something. They have little ouchies covered by band-aids. Sawyer has a big food button that doesn’t give food, but gave him a nice shock. He’s like the monkey with the boxes and the banana hanging above him.

Jack and his wife are now going through divorce proceedings. He made her walk just so she can walk out on him. Ouch.

Kate was forced to take a shower, and now her clothes are gone. In their place, a sun dress. She might be better off with the Others. Now she gets to have a meal with Henry Gale on an empty beach? If Kate doesn’t want that, I’ll take it.

Henry let Kate know that the next two weeks are going to be very unpleasant. What does that mean? You know, you waste an awful lot of your time asking questions about Lost. Just let it happen. Let it wash over you, like a calming wave of vanilla pudding. You’ll feel better.

Jack, in flashbacks, is trying to find out the name of the man his wife was cheating with. And, back in the present time, his dad’s voice is coming through the busted intercom in his cell.

Some blue shirted fellow in another cage escaped and let Sawyer loose. He was quickly shot in the neck with a dart. Blue shirt was made to apologize to Sawyer for involving him in his own escape attempt. That Others can sure act polite sometimes.

Ooooh, so mean. Jack has been refusing to eat or drink water. To do so, he would need to sit at the other side of the room. Which he finally gave in and did. At which point, the Other girl walked out of the room with the food. Nice.

Rats, she was going through the other door. At which point, Jack ran and tackled her. It’s Henry Gale to the rescue. Or not. Jack opens up a door that makes water rush into wherever they are. So they’re under water?

Sawyer figured out how to get his food pellets. Good for him. Kate also got put into a cage next to him. So that’s kind of a reward for him. I hate Kate.

Jack is in the Hydra station, which is under water. Mystery girl is named Julia. Henry Gale is named Ben. Hey, what happened to Locke? Did he explode? Oh, right. What did I write about asking questions?

Lost: Live Together, Die Alone

Lost

LostIt is time for the episode of Lost that “changes everything.” I have no right to be sarcastic, because I have been excited to see this episode for the last week!

The sailboat is Desmond’s. He must be rich! Just kidding. He is just drunk and holding a shotgun. That’s almost as good as being rich.

The flashbacks this episode revolve around Desmond. It starts with him getting out of a military jail, and some stuffed shirt putting money in his lap and telling him to stay away from his daughter.

Mr. Eko and Locke just came to blows! Really, Locke didn’t stand much of a chance. Locke wanted to stop the button from being pressed, and Mr. Eko wouldn’t have any of that. Like a bouncer at the loneliest club in the world, Mr. Eko ejected Locke.

Sayid is taking Desmond’s boat around the island to check out the Other’s camp, to get ahead of Michael’s crazy party.

It looks like Desmond has some Darmah Initiative brand vodka. Russians! The Others are Russians!

Turns out that the sailboat actually Libby’s. You see, she gave it to Desmond for a race around the world to win money from Mr. Stuffed Shirt and win his girlfriend back. Of course!

With the cast of merry men and one woman trekking across the island, a bird just swooped down at them. Hurley thinks it said his name. It was not a parrot. It did look very CGI though. Jurassic Park style years old CGI.

Locke is recruiting Desmond to stop Mr. Eko from pushing that button. That will give us answers. And plenty of questions.

Feeling left out, Jin, Sun, and Sayid are having their own little exploration party on Desmond’s sailboat. What have they found so far? The remains of a giant stone statue created with only four toes. Must be The Simpsons.

Desmond had a neat trick up his sleeve. He made the blast doors in the hatch close, trapping Mr. Eko. We’re getting closer and closer to letting the button go.

We also got our first glimpse of the hatch monkey that was around before Desmond. He is a grumpy older man. Hooray! It must be House, M.D.

Michael just confessed to leading his party into a trap because Jack forced it out of him. They turned around and headed back to their camp. Just kidding, that would have made sense. They are still moving forward.

Mr. Eko is super cheesed off at Locke. He got Charlie to show him some dynamite and he just tried to blow open the blast door. The keyword here being “blast.” He might have just blown himself up.

Sayid got to the Others’ beach and all of the huts were empty, of course. But what is this? There is only rock behind their hatch door! Michael isn’t even leading everyone to the beach! The Others just drugged everyone in Michael’s little treachery party. Judas!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, and all those tubes full of info from the Pearl hatch? They all just end up in a pile in the middle of nowhere. It’s the island’s version of TPS reports.

Desmond thinks he crashed the plane! The day the plane crashed, Desmond didn’t press the button in time. Electromagnetic fields were flying all over, and possibly even pulling our survivor’s plane down. And here we are, thinking the button was all fake.

The hatch buttons didn’t get pressed, all hell broke loose, and Desmond sacrificed himself and clicked the self destruction key. Then the hatch blew up with Locke, Mr. Eko, and Charlie in it.

I thought that was the end of the season, until I looked up and saw that there were 15 minutes left. Really? They’re going to mess with us even more?

Michael and Walt are free and have a boat. Jack, Kate and Sawyer are captured by the Others headed up by Henry Gale. Charlie is safe. Mr. Eko and Locke are M.I.A. Hurley is on his way back to camp by order of the Others.

Oh yeah, and some guys playing chess in the arctic got an alert that there was an electromagnetic anomaly. Of course, they called Desmond’s girlfriend, who has been looking for this anomaly. What?

Do you have any idea about what is going on? Share your thoughts over at Make Me Watch TV’s I Solved Lost.

Lost: Three Minutes

Lost

LostTonight we get a potentially exciting and enlightening episode of Lost. But that is how all episodes of Lost seem.

Oooh, we start out by flashing back to 13 days ago, when Michael took off. We get to see what happened while he was running around in the woods alone. I’m okay with that.

Killing two people wasn’t the army forming catalyst that Michael had hoped. He is bound to do something else crazy to get his son back. I woke up yesterday excited to watch Lost until I remembered it was Tuesday. Is it weird to wake up excited about watching TV?

I love the flashbacks that happen on the island, and not before the crash. Like Claire’s flashback to when she was taken. We just saw that Michael was captured almost immediately after taking off after Walt.

Charlie found a vaccine on the Dharma food palate that dropped from the sky a while back. Claire had been looking for the vaccine in a different episode in an abandoned hatch. It could very well be sugar water, since the island seems to be one big test. Or it could be something entirely different.

Mr. Eko is moving into the hatch now. Charlie and he are having a little lover’s tiff. How adorable. Meantime, a small group is getting ready to go to war with the Others.

In the flashback, Michael is being held by the Others, one of which is Alex, crazy lady Russo’s daughter. You might remember her from Malcolm in the Middle.

Now we get our first glimpse of the Others’ camp. Is it all a put on? An act? A lady named Miss. Clue started asking Michael a lot of questions about his son. The most intriguing being “has he ever appeared someplace he wasn’t supposed to be?” Like holding a high ranking position in the federal government?

Hooray! Locke is back on the beach, where he should be. Locke should spout wisdom from his serene spot, not getting fooled or being taken advantage of in the hatch.

We see Walt! He looks about 6 months older. Funny, that. The Others have been making Walt take tests. They threatened to put him in “the room” again if he doesn’t behave. If it was a room filled with those balls from Chuck E Cheese, that would be awesome!

If Michael wants to see Walt again, he has to free Henry Gale. Which he did. But he also has to bring Jack, Hurley, Kate, and James Ford to the Others. James Ford is Sawyer, by the way. Did we know that before?

And, before the credits rolled, a sailboat was headed towards their beach. What? Next week is going to be an awesome season finale!

Lost: ?

Lost

LostTime for another gripping and maddening episode of Lost. We started out with Mr. Eko having a freaky dream where his dead brother tells him that Locke must take him to the question mark. I, like every other Lost fan, assume he’s talking about the question mark in the middle of the blacklight map Locke saw for 10 seconds once.

Also, Michael, who shot up a bunch of fools last episode, accidentally left Libby alive as a witness. Whoops! First you shoot her, and then you smother her with the blankets she is carrying for a picnic. Murder 101, Michael. I guess you don’t really want your son back, hmm?

Locke and Eko are now off in the forest looking for Henry Gale. Eko must actually be tricking Locke into taking him to the question mark. Locke is still on crutches. I am hoping Mr. Eko gives him a piggy back ride.

This is a Mr. Eko flashback episode! Awesome. Why are we so interested in the people who talk the least? For instance, Helen Keller. I rest my case.

In the flashback, Mr. Eko has taken his place as a priest and is investigating a miracle claim for the Vatican. A drown lady came back to life during an autopsy. Just like David Blaine, except not a failure.

Jack is going to use the heroin stash to ease Libby’s pain, since there is nothing he can do to save her. I haven’t seen any anti-drug ads during this episode. Is Lost telling us to do drugs, because we are all dying in one way or another?

Hurley just asked where Libby is. It would be easiest to tell him she moved to the other side of the island because she didn’t like him anymore.

There was a circle on the ground. Huh? Oh, it was a questions mark. Hey, they found the question mark! It looks like a crop circle. That’s it, aliens! The island is a space ship.

If you ever go to Epcot, never ride on Spaceship Earth. It’s not even fun in a campy way.

Eko and Locke just found another hatch under the plane that held Eko’s dead brother and killed Boone. I love these hatches! They always change the show around entirely!

The Pearl station! Hatch number 5 is the Pearl, which is used to monitor what is going on in the other hatches which are all psychological experiments. There was also a new creepy orientation video. I eat this stuff up like cookies made with an extra stick of butter! Alvar Hanso, you twisted psychopath! If you haven’t visited The Hanso Foundation yet, you are missing out.

Ahhh, now Libby is dead for real. She was able to spit out “Michael” before she died. Not that it was enough to point a finger at him.

Thank goodness for the end of the season. Not that I want the show to be over with, but this is when things actually get moving. Go, plot, go!

Lost

Lost

LostNow it time for a stupid Lost special. A clip show to catch people up, really. It is also an excuse not to make another new episode. Have networks not realized that clip shows piss people off?

However, as slow as the new episodes have been moving forward with the plot, a clip show will probably advance things as quickly as anything. Are you listening to me, J.J. Abrams? Either make movies or make TV shows. You are obviously spreading yourself too thin.

I have watched every episode of Lost. I have been more impressed with it than I have been disappointed. The ratio is really getting close though.

There is a narrator on this clip show. This is rather like March of the Penguins. Soon he’ll say, “Some will not make it through the harsh winter weather.”

This episode is for the irresponsible. You have not bothered to catch Lost until now? Too bad. Buy the first season and download the rest from iTunes. Do not waste the time of people who have been faithfully following the show, through good and bad.

This makes me fear summer and its reruns. Will I be forced to watch the same TV shows I have already seen again and again? That would be boring and lame. I might have to think of some rules so that does not happen. I think I’ll sleep on it.

Bored bored bored bored bored bored bored.

I know, I will make words from the names of characters on the show.

Jack Shephard = Jerk had chaps
Sayid Jarrah = Sad hairy jar
Claire Littleton = Tailor intellect
Ana-Lucia Cortez = Actual Nazi core
Kate Austen = Kate eat Sun
Michael Dawson = Whale clam soda

Whale clam soda. Yum!

Lost

Lost

LostTonight I get to watch one of my favorite shows. Lost is a fantastic television program with it’s own ups and downs. It has good episodes and bad. Let us all hope that this is a good one.

The folks on Lost captured a fellow they believe is an enemy. The are called Others, for those of you who have never seen the show before. So Henry, this Other, has been tortured and then some. He would not crack until two episodes ago when they found proof that he was a big fat liar.

Today Jack finally does something about it. He is going after the Others to try and get his kidnapped friends back.

Clues and new information about the island have been few and far between. The past few episodes have finally gotten us some new information. Deeper and deeper into the mysteries of the island.

This week’s flashbacks focus on Rose and Bernard, the white dude and the black lady that are married. This should be charming to see in contrast to the wackiness that Jack will bring with his hostage saving scheme.

By the way, what happened to the Army that Jack was going to train? Was that plotline dropped because Anna Lucia is going to be killed off after her real life exploits?

Bernard is getting everybody together to make a huge sign so they can be rescued, since everyone on the island has sort of forgotten about getting rescued. Rose thinks he is being stupid and says so in front of everybody. Loudly. That is the kind of support I want from my spouse. I type this as I turn to look at my wife who is threatening to paint my toenails.

In the flashback, Bernard just proposed to Rose. She said she is dying. That is news to the viewers! Now on the island, Rose seems all nice and healthy. The island cured Locke’s legs and now Rose’s cancer? What is up with this magical island?

Mr. Ecko is building a church. Mr. Ecko has not done anything badass in a while. Building a church does not seem badass. Maybe it is a church that worships explosions and punching. That would be badass. Let us wait and see if that happens!

Locke has gotten a little stupid this season. He is letting Henry, the prisoner, get to him. Henry turned Locke against Jack and now he is torturing him about “the button” in the hatch. Henry will not tell Locke if he pressed the all important button or not. Locke should know better than to listen to what this dude says. What happened to the Locke that played backgammon on the beach and spouted wisdom?

Rose and Bernard went to Australia on their honeymoon. Bernard made Rose go to Australia to trick her into seeing a faith healer. That is very tricky. Maybe she will disappear like Andy Kauffman did. He went to see a faith healer. I do not think it worked so well.

There is very little in this episode about Jack going out to confront the others. The previews for this show always promise more than they deliver. That is bad mojo, Lost. Jack and Kate got trapped in a net. Only Kate would have been caught in the net, but Jack ran towards her to stop the trap. If he had stayed put, he could have cut her down. That was dumb as hell.

After hinting that Jack was going off to confront the others in the beginning of the episode, they only came back to him when half of the show was over. I am getting mighty sick of my chain being yanked. All of this chain yanking is not appreciated. If there were a club that liked chain yanking, I would not join them.

Jack shot their way down from the net, like Clint Eastwood in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. It was not as awesome though. There was a lot more whining.

Locke is back on the beach, thinking things over. Hopefully he will come back to his senses. This senseless Locke is of no use. Messing things up is Charlie’s job.

There! Almost confirmation that Rose and Locke both know that the island is healing them! Locke hurt his leg a couple episodes ago, and would have to be off his leg for four weeks. Rose knows that he will not have to be off it that long. Then they both smiled. Smiling says a lot of things. It also says, “Are you looking for a date, sailor?” Be careful with your smiles.

Jack is now yelling like a crazy man for the Others to show themselves. It is also raining. That makes things more dramatic. If you bring someone a tin of cookies, it seems much more important when you are soaked and standing in the pouring rain. Those must be some damn good cookies!

This commercial for Invasion is about 20 minutes long. Previews at movie theaters are not as long.

Bernard and Rose have decided to never leave the island. They believe that if Rose leaves, her illness will come back. Now they will stay on the mystery island forever. It will be the longest and strangest honeymoon ever.

Jack will be leave us with a cliffhanger, and then the show will be in reruns for the next couple of weeks. The cliffhanger will occur in two minutes time.

Michael’s back! He came stumbling out of the woods towards Jack and Kate. I think he has been infected, but that is just a theory. We will have to wait a couple of weeks to find out. Damn unreasonable breaks! BOO!

Not much happened on Lost this week. No surprise there. When ever you get your hopes up about an episode, you would be better served to lower your expectations.