Dirty Jobs: Chimney Sweeper

Dirty JobsWelcome back, ladies and gentlemen. I hope your religious or non-religious holiday treated you well. And now, on to Dirty Jobs.

The first dirty job of the night is chimney sweeping. It is an extremely dirty job, and Dick van Dyke would have died of black lung years ago if Mary Poppins was real. You didn’t know it wasn’t real? I apologize.

Did you know there is a National Chimney Sweeping School? You know, in case that cabinet making class at the tech college isn’t working out for you.

The second job out host, Mike, goes on is lumberjacking. In the water, that is. There is 140 year old virgin timber at the bottom of lakes and rivers. They originally sunk when moving them over water to a mill. It just seems a little silly to go diving for it. Now add a couple of sharks and you have yourself an exciting occupation.

Enough messing around with these young whippersnappers. It is time to mill some 600 year old timber. Wow. That’s older than me and you combined! And that person reading this over your shoulder. Is that your boss? Hi there!

The last titular job of the day takes place in a metal scrapyard. Not a scrapyard made of metal. That would be plain silly and I hate you for thinking it.

Separating aluminum gutters from more valuable metals. Aluminum cans filled with spit and stagnant beer. Copper wires. Did you know copper is fetching a dandy price these days? If you live in a rich neighborhood, some rain gutters are made from copper. So, you know. Steal them or guard them closely. Whatever your financial situation calls for.

Dirty Jobs: Shrimper

Dirty JobsThe Dirty Jobs host catches shrimp and crawfish in this episode.

Our host dragged the ocean floor for shrimp to help find if it was time to open shrimp season. He caught, mostly, non-shrimp. Puffer fish, crabs, and plenty of slimy things. These all need to be thrown back into the unforgiving sea. I don’t forgive the sea for inspiring The Perfect Storm. That movie was terrible!

Host Mike Rowe is now trying to throw a deadly sting ray overboard. Too soon, Discovery Channel. Too soon.

Horse shoe crabs are creepy! They are the aliens of the sea. Or your creepy next door neighbor of the sea.

Mike is now popping the heads off of the shrimp he caught. The live shrimp. You just pinch and go on to the next one. They are the bugs of the sea. Think of it like swatting a mosquito or kicking a baby.

Next, Floyd brings Mike into the bayou to catch crawfish. Floyd has about 300 traps set up in the murky waters. Crawfish are found on every continent except Africa and Antarctica. I am not found on more continents than that.

You gotta suck da head off dem der crawfish. I thought there was nothing worse than watching someone eat ribs. I was mistaken.

The last “dirty job” of the episode involves tire recycling. Mike is helping clean up an illegal tire dump that is 90,000 tires strong. Tires are usually filled with surprises. Stinky water, mostly. I’m hoping for an angry animal.

Picking up tires isn’t good enough. Now they need to be sorted. And not between tires and things that aren’t tires. That would be too easy. A tree is not a tire. A nurse is not a tire. See, easy.

Tires have been popped and now they are being shredded. Then they go on top of tortilla chips. Just kidding. They go on top of ice cream.