Antiques Roadshow: Kansas City

Antiques RoadshowAfter weeks of near success, the voters finally voted Antiques Roadshow to the top of the Monday pile. Anything that isn’t 7th Heaven is fine by me.

As long as I am watching PBS, let me tell you about something else I did that was good for me. This weekend I finished a book. I know! I was surprised too. It took me more than four months, but I finally got through The Know-It-All : One Man’s Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World. Now that I have finished a book, I can do the thing everyone else who finished a book must do. Recommend it. It’s like a reflex, I think.

Antiques Roadshow starts off with an educational punch to the abdomen. With the wind knocked out of me, they drill through the history of Kansas City, where the roadshow is visiting today. Kansas City, Kansas or Kansas City, Missouri? Maybe that is part of the mystique!

I am ready to see some very excited people disappointed. There are also a lot of old people on this show who can’t get excited anymore, even if they are delighted. You wouldn’t want to them to have an accident, would you?

“Paul” is really pretending to understand everything the antiques know-it-all is explaining. I wouldn’t have to say “know-it-all” if I could remember what to call him. Appraiser! That’s it. That was a fun way to waste a little time.

Bowtie! The revolution continues! Boys and girls, start wearing bowties!

There was this one desk! It was worth money! Then there was this vase? It was worth money too! Then there was this rug. That was worth money too. I just saved you 15 minutes.

A pirate is getting a lamp appraised! Don’t trust him! Pirates only look out for themselves. And their antiques. And their rum. When they drink rum, it becomes part them. So I guess they are still looking out for themselves. Do they eat their antiques?

William S. Burroughs was friends with this fellow’s father. They both liked guns. Did you know Burroughs liked guns? His wife did. Then she didn’t, as he released her brains from her head with a bullet. I painted you a nice picture there. Enjoy that.

Antiques Roadshow is pleasant. Not great, not terrible, but pleasant. Like sitting in a hammock that isn’t going to break and kill you. I am learning a nice deal of useless trivia and facts that will never come up in casual or trivial conversation. The show also keeps it simple. It isn’t trying to dress itself up like the girl from the gutter at a grand ball. It is what it is, and it’s not pretending to be more than it is.

A needlepoint work from the 1800s was brought in. It was a project for young girls to do to prove they had patience. Basically, their words and not mine, it was a test to prove that a woman would make a good wife. That is fantastic. If you’re looking to divorce your wife, give her the needlepoint test. You can cite that to your divorce lawyer. I’m most certain it will hold up in a court of law.

Did you miss tonight’s episode? Don’t worry, there are two more weeks left to this Kansas City trip. Kansas City. Yippie.