Why would you vote for the rerun of America’s Got Talent and not the new episode next hour? Not that it matters, as I haven’t seen this show yet. It just seems like you have a few things to work through. It’s okay, no one is judging you.

Do you know that tasty crust that sticks to the bottom of the pan after you sear your roast? This show is that crust. It’s that left over stuff that you make into gravy to pour over the meal, it is not the meal itself. This show is nothing but a tasty sauce.

Is it really worth the effort to make fun of David Hasselhoff anymore? It seems like it has all been done. Talking car. Baywatch. Germany. Yep, there is nothing left.

The first “talent” up is a professional finger snapper. He is a better man than me. I can’t even get my left hand to snap. It’s as useless as a flipper.

I think there should be a “?” after America’s Got Talent?

Out of new ideas? Use addition! Hiphop + acapella = Hiphopcapella. No no no, guys. Do you see that both of your words contain a “p?” It should be hiphopella. You need to take a class on combining words. I think they have those courses at Fast Food University.

There were two pirates and a dancing pony. Oddly enough, it was terrible.

Some people are scared of clowns, I’m scared of ventriloquist. Let’s leave it at that, while I padlock my eyes shut.

The judges seem really excited about a sub-par 14 year old singer. Good for them. It’s nice that they can find happiness in muck.

The bird trainer is getting testy with the judges. You are made to perform in a zoo, not on television. You entertain children while their parents rest on a bench. Know and accept your place in life, and you’ll be happy. Or, at least, I’ll be happy, because I will never see you.

Impersonators are a waste of air. You shouldn’t breath in if you’re going to spit out someone else’s voice. Or try to. If you have to start your impression with, “Hey, I’m Arnold Schwarzenegger,” that’s a tip that you aren’t an impersonator.