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Doctor Who: Fear Her

Doctor WhoDoctor Who would be so much more enjoyable if it weren’t followed by Battlestar Galactica.

A young lass singing about the kookaburra just trapped a little boy in a picture she colored. It is a pretty horrible picture. That would be the worst part of the situation. Being trapped and looking like crap.

Does anyone else get this stupid French Vanilla Cool Whip jingle stuck in their head? It makes me want to find out how far ice picks can go into my ears.

It is time for the 2012 Olympics in London. No matter. Children have gone missing. Cars stop running. Old ladies are talking. You know, unusual things. We all know that old ladies are turned into delicious mush. You don’t want your mush talking back to you, do you?

This creepy lass draws very quickly. Perhaps that is the reason her drawings are rubbish. She should slow it down, take some time. Drawing in perspective would be a plus as well.

I think the Flying Spaghetti Monster just attacked Rose. Or a living ball of squiggles. Each is equally plausible and worthy of worship.

The Doctor found the little lass and is trying to figure the problem. He has plenty of time. There is half an hour left, after all.

Oh yeah, there’s a dad from hell in the little girl’s closet. A drawing of him. With glowing eyes. What Crayola color are the devil’s eyes? Bittersweet? Raw Sienna?

The girl is possessed by a floating angel flower? I’ll just nod and back away slowly now. Yes yes. That’s a good and rational explanation. Where’s the damn doorknob? Nothing, nothing! Makes sense. Still nodding. Where’s that knob?

There’s a bit of information I didn’t know. The Doctor was a dad once. That’s all we’re going to get on that.

Then the Doctor and Tardis were stolen into a drawing. Hopefully we’ll be able to see what it’s like inside the drawing. That’s what I’ve been hoping for all episode.

Everyone just vanished from the Olympic stadium. You see, the little floating flower angel had 4 billion brothers and sisters. So it is trying to collect at least that many friends in terrible pictures. The Olympic flame will revive its spaceship, naturally. You know, since the flame comes from the sun. That makes a bit of sense. Still. Floating angel flower.

Whoops. There still devil dad drawing to deal with. I always forget devil dad drawing. Don’t worry, singing defeated him, just like it did the Nazis in The Sound of Music.

Then the Doctor lit the Olympic torch so the little flower alien could go home. The episode was a bit of fun, but not the best. Hey, and we didn’t get to see the inside of the drawings! Boo!

Battlestar Galactica: The Passage

Battlestar GalacticaBattlestar Galactica bored my something awful last week. I don’t cry out in pain this week.

The humans in their flying metal space cans are running out of food. They need to find a planet soon. A planet with food, not a planet to eat like Galactus would.

These Cylon women really like to keep this human fellow around. Especially in bed. Or by the sea. Or in a room with just a bed and a chair and a robot. Not the special place funny feeling sort of robot. The regular kind of robot.

There is a giant expanse of radiation that the Galactica crowd must get across to eat. Their prize? Algae. Delicious algae.

One of the Cylong ladies has been killing herself over and over so she can be “downloaded” over and over. I guess I can’t knock it until I’ve tried it.

The humans are loosing ships as they’re leapfrogging through the radiation. That means large amount of people perishing, probably. I’m not positive about what any of these means.

Someone is addicted to drugs. Space drugs!

And the human fellow who likes to do with with Cylons reached his hand into a pool of goo. The the Cylon who is on the human ship is dying of radiation poisoning. She felt guilty about the space drugs she was taking, so she sacrificed herself to bring one of the big ships back through the radiation. But she’ll get better, I guess.

Doctor Who: Love & Monsters

Doctor WhoDoctor Who start off this Friday’s evening of TV, like usual. Will it be goofy or semi-serious? Wait and find out! Or check online and fine out. Either way is fine by me.

Looks like a vlogger had a run in with a monster being corralled by the Doctor and friends. How can anyone get away with anything anymore with everyone watching everyone on the internet? You can’t even secretly kill ex-KGB agents in peace anymore.

Elton, the vlogger, is narrating all of the time he had run ins with the Doctor. He was there with the when the mannequins attacked, aliens crashed, and Christmas trees went mad. That’s a bit of bad luck.

The Elton bloke met up with a few people who track and study the Doctor. That’s how he met Ursula. It looks like she came to a tragic end. We’ll find out more later. But right now, Elton is in a bit of a Doctor support group.

This support group, L.I.N.D.A., got together and ate, listened to novels in progress, and even created a rock band. Please don’t ask me to explain that bit. It’s all a bit unusual.

Then Victor Kennedy showed up and ruined everything. He’s a dapper man with a round face, wide brimmed black hat, and a fear of touching people. He says he’ll blister at the touch, but I have a feeling he’s just a prick.

Victor puts the fun loving L.I.N.D.A. group to work investigating the Doctor. Victor is almost certainly an alien trying to capture the Doctor. We’ll find out, and I love being wrong.

Elton infiltrated the house of Rose’s mum. Well, he didn’t really infiltrate it. He was sort of invited in for tea. That wouldn’t happen in America. We don’t drink tea. Or anything. All we do is eat sand and mice. Call it weird, but it’s in the constitution.

Jackie keeps having Elton over to fix things and to seduce him. Things got a bit awkward, with missing shirts and all, and Jackie kicked him out on his behind. I can safely say that Victor won’t be happy about this. He’s going to go an eat another woman, I bet.

Victor has been absorbing the members of L.I.N.D.A into his body. His slimy green body with the black mohawk. He’s quite the funky looking monster. Victor wears a loincloth and carries a cane.

The cane was the bit holding Victor together. If you’re threatened by anything with a cane, break its cane. Even if it doesn’t hold magical powers, its user will have trouble getting around.

Holy moly! There is a UFO enthusiast group that meets not more than ten miles away from me! They just advertised on the SciFi network. I should go. It is sure to be hilarious.

Ursula got absorbed into a bit of pavement, but the Doctor was able to save her there. So Elton now has a relationship with a bit of pavement. That’s fantastic.

Battlestar Galactica: Unfinished Business

Battlestar GalacticaI am torn between liking and disliking Battlestar Galactica.

Starbuck just used her ex-husband for his man loving, and then went to see her Irish buddy get beat up in the boxing ring. I think he might be whiter than me. That’s quite the task. I guess if there is anyplace that gets less sunlight than an office building and a basement, it’s a spaceship.

Flashback to 16 months ago? Jeez, fine. We’re going to learn the back story on Starbuck and the Irish lad.

Bah, the time is jumping all over. I think everyone is boxing for champion of the universe. The winner gets a hat made out of gold and nebulae.

Everyone is beating up everyone they have some sort of grudge or history against.

More boxing. More emotions. More boxing. More emotions.

Ahh. Back 16 months ago Starbuck cheated on her fiance with the Irish fellow. Then, the next day, she ditched him and got married to her fiance really quick. So emotions. And now, more boxing.

Beaten and bloody, they whisper that they missed each other in their ears. So, there’s that show for you.

Doctor Who: The Satan Pit

Doctor WhoAfter a week off for Thanksgiving, which the Brits don’t celebrate, part two of Doctor Who is upon us. As you may or may not know, Satan was just released from a small clump of planet orbiting a black hole.

I love when teenagers write “hail Satin” on message boards.

Dangly mouth aliens are hitting people with their balls. So. Yeah.

For some reason, the Doctor and Expendable are lying about seeing Satan. I guess we didn’t really see Satan come out. I’m just assuming. They actually aren’t lying. That’s my natural habit to assume the worst in people coming back to bite me.

Satan was chained in this planet before time. That’s a bit confusing for a Time Lord. It is like telling an ice cream man about a time before ice cream. It doesn’t make sense to them.

Oh yeah, Satan is saying he will kill everyone. I didn’t think it needed mentioning. Because, really, what else would Satan do?

The Doctor and Expendable are stuck 10 miles below the planet’s surface. What do they do with their 10 miles of broken cable? Go down into the Satan pit, of course.

Damn, the Satan possessed dangly face Ood have made their way into the vents. Aliens love vents. If you are ever in the position to design and build a space station, make it without vents. I know it will be quite the task, but it will be worth it.

The Doctor reached the end of his rope, literally and figuratively. So he unclipped his rope, literally, and fell into the seemingly endless darkness that was the pit.

The rest of the crew decided to split, while taking Rose against her will. And the Doctor even survived the fall. Lucky him, there was oxygen at the bottom.

At the bottom, the Doctor finds the giant living chained body of the beast. But the mind is escaping on the rocket ship.

A bunch of crazy stuff just happened. Jugs were smashed, demons were blasted out into space, nothing out of the ordinary.

Everything is being sucked into the black hole. Planets. Rockets. Light. But then there was the Tardis. The Tardis is towing the rocket to safety. And Expendable? Yeah, she survived. My instincts are shot tonight. It’s a good think the stock exchange is closed.

Battlestar Galactica: Hero

Last Battlestar Galactica involved a chance to eradicate the Cylon race from existence, and a traitor who stopped it from happening. It was heavy. And a little boring.

To counteract that boring episode, this one starts with some action packed filing! Seriously. Well, not the action packed part. Just regular filing.

Some dreadlocks sporting fool named Bulldog showed up in a Cylon ship being chased by other Cylon ships. The Galactica’s admiral knows him though. So even though he isn’t on the guest list, we’ve got a voucher.

Bulldog was on some secret mission for the humans three years ago and assumed dead. That’s why they call him the Bulldog! Probably.

It turns out the admiral left Bulldog to die for some reason. Probably personal. He probably killed the admiral, but then the admiral made a full recovery.

I have decided that I do not enjoy Battlestar Galactica. Please stop making me watch it.

One eye and Bulldog are shooting the breeze, even thought there is no breeze on a space ship. They are very talented.

The admiral shot Bulldog’s ship down, since he was spying in enemy territory. It would have been considered an act of war if he was found. That’s a bit interesting. Still, I’d rather not be watching this. To think, I could be watching Unwed Father on Lifetime right now.

The evidence seems to show that the Cylons let Bulldog escape. They probably knew he’d cause a ruckus by killing the admiral. There have been quite a few twists this episode. Maybe I do like this show. I’m so conflicted.

Doctor Who: The Impossible Planet

Doctor Who starts out with a wonderful greeting. The Doctor and Rose end up on a drilling station with “Welcome to Hell” spray painted inside. Some Doctor Zoidberg looking aliens started chanting “we must feed” upon seeing their two visitors. Does the human race have a mantra that we could chant?

It turns out the aliens’ speech balls were stuck. Speech balls? Yeah. They wanted to know if their guests were hungry. It’s a cookbook!

The station is impossibly orbiting a black hole. This show makes me happy! Every plot is so far out and so well done.

It was recommended that I turn the lights out during this episode. So my face will be creepily lit only by the blue glow of the television.

The tentacle faced aliens called Ood serve the humans who run the station. Everyone has an Ood. Sounds like something that could be prevented by wearing a rubber.

Complicating things, the Tardis fell deep into the recesses of the impossible planet. I think it was drunk. Too many Lemon Drops. That’s that Tardis’ drink of choice, after all.

Uh oh. The power source in the middle of the impossible planet, which keeps it in orbit, is the devil. And they are drilling down which will accidentally release him. Or her.

Toby, some dude, was killed with letters mysteriously written all over him. [insert quip about the pen being mightier than the sword here, idiot]

The Ood function on telepathy. That means the devil can control them pretty easily. They aren’t too smart. Then the real trouble started when devil Toby breached the hull. That bastard. That’s right, isn’t it? The devil doesn’t have a father. Unless you count darkness.

Toby killed someone, and now he’s better. Now this someone is let loose outside and will be compressed into a singularity. That’s a way to go. Joining in a single point with everything else in the universe.

The Doctor and Expendable have gone down to the center of the planet. Sorry, her name isn’t actually Expendable. It might as well be.

The Ood were just possessed by Satan. And their voice balls sting something awful. And the planet is being sucked into the black hole. And Satan is rising from his pit. Now that’s a cliff hanger.

It’s good, because this plot deserves another hour. It’s bad, because I must wait until next week to get any resolution.

Heroes: Seven Minutes to Midnight

Heroes is fun to watch. It is that simple to understand the appeal.

A waitress in Midland, Texas has suddenly been able to remember everything she hears or reads. And someone in the diner where she works made a coffee cup move by itself! Oh no! The power!

The Indian fellow with no super powers has gone back to India to take over for his dead father. His dead father was searching for these titular heroes. He is boring. Let’s get back to some more powers.

The dumb cop punched a fellow officer who was having an affair with his wife. He learned this because he could read his wife’s mind. She was thinking “oh no, he knows about my affair.” Let us all learn from this, and never think anything.

Hiro is in the diner flirting with the waitress. The magic coffee mug is watching all of this. Or the guy who made the coffee mug move. I think this show could use a magic coffee mug.

Oh no! Poor little waitress had the top of her head cut off. Curse you, magic coffee mug!

From the way this episode is moving, Claire’s dad looks like a good guy. He has been helping the heroes reach their full potential. This also means giving Isaac heroin so he can paint the future. Is this whole show just a front of the pro-heroin lobbyists? Damn fat cat heroin czars and their deep pockets.

Now the terrible actress who looks like an even more malnourished Winona Ryder has a super power. With this super power, she gets Isaac to do heroin so he can create art. So she’s like Courtney Love.

Radioactive man escaped. Probably with the help of radioactivity.

And Hiro is in the past. Really, we’re all in the past.

That sounds deep, but it actually means nothing.

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