Other Projects

Hello, readers. I’m still hoping to bring Make Me Watch TV back in some form or another. There is a lot of bad TV out there that needs a smack in the eye. Let’s hope some terrible show comes along and acts a catalyst to get this website running again.

Until then, I have a new project up an running! It’s the Blank It webcomic. Hopefully, if you like my writing here, you’ll like my writing there.

So while the dust still settles here, check out the freshly dusted comedy at Blank It. And I’ll try and do something about the conditions here.

And to everyone leaving comments, you are totally wrong about One Tree Hill.

Alias: Reckoning

We pick up where we left off last time. Sydney and pal accidentally blew up a gang of CIA fellas. And inhalers. Now Syd is going to show us what emotions sort of look like if you squint really hard.

Syd’s father, who works for the CIA and is spying on SD-6, was investigated by the FBI for possibly stealing secrets. The FBI agents was named Bentley, like the car. His new name will be VW Bus. Also, he died in a car crash with Syd’s mom. The VW Bus isn’t a very safe vehicle.

Bah. More emotions. Maybe once we get to the next scene…oh. More emotions.

Whoops. Hello, used DVD. You seem to have stopped. Ahhhh, there we go.

SD-6 is going after a group called FTL. They do not deliver flowers. But they do hide codes in birthday cards. SD-6 will be going after the special decoders.

Emotions.

Time for some Syd disguises. She is wearing a dark wig and a piece of carpet. I wonder how much that dress costs per foot.

It’s a good thing guards never look up. Syd would have been dead long ago then. Really, though, what is up that’s ever worth looking at? Stars? Yeah. Been there, done that.

There is some sub-plot about singing and another one about Will investigating the murder of Syd’s fiancé.

Emotions.

The greeting cards were decoded by DNA. Time to dig up a body! After finding it, of course. Through disguises.

When you leave an apartment in a state of disrepair, who leaves the fridge door open? That seems a little much.

Emotions.

Syd is in a foreign mental institution. Sure, it’s dirty and dank. But it’s universally covered! It looks like the guards are on to her. Come one, electroshock!

Cliffhanger! You folks better vote for Alias again next week!

30 Rock: Somebody to Love

I haven’t watched 30 Rock in a while. I’m not sure why I gave up on it. Laziness, I suppose. Maybe it got yuck on it from My Name Is Earl.

The show started off with everyone smelling maple syrup in different sections of New York. And then, Liz was really excited about the delivery of her prescription shampoo. Your laughs have been fantastic!

The show is pretty quotable. Dare I say classic Simpsons quotable? To prove she wasn’t racist, Liz recalled the time she asked a black guy if he had seen Sideways. Ahhh, us white guys are so lame.

30 Rock is like three wonderful intertwining sketches that don’t overstay their welcome. We have Liz who thinks she lives next to a terrorist. Jack who slept with a Democrat. And Kenneth is trying to earn money to replace pants. All plots done well on their own. All great when put together.

Okay, 30 Rock. My opinions about you, the ones with no particular basis, were incorrect. My feelings, like Liz’s feelings about her neighbors, were wrong. How can we make this right, 30 Rock? What if I wrote nice things about you? Deal.

DVD – Alias: Doppleganger

Here we are again, watching the DVDs that the loyal fans of Make Me Watch TV purchased. Purchased so I could be forced to watch more of their favorite shows. I still maintain that Jennifer Garner is no smarty, that shouldn’t effect my enjoyment. Or lack of enjoyment.

The blog tells me that I last watched Alias over a year ago. Wow. Let’s see how much I forgot.

Okay okay. Sydney works as a double agent for the CIA trying to bring down evil SD-6 with her father. Is there anyone on TV without daddy issues?

I totally skipped out on Alias in the middle of a two parter. Sydney got smacked down, and they implanted a bomb in somebody.

Don’t worry. She got away from those guys by running and kicking. I always try the first of those two. Kicking might come in handy sometime.

Nobel Peace Prize winners should not be truest. They could all have bombs secretly planted in them. I’m looking at you, Linus Carl Pauling.

Sydney and pal stole the prize winner and are racing around in an ambulance while trying to take the bomb out because the dudes with the remote detonation device are chasing them.

That was some fantastic action. Well done, Alias. Oh, now Sydney has a paper to finish. I forgot about this college business. Sigh.

Hah, okay. The first 12 minutes were the opener. Now the credits roll. Things had better get much more intense. I mean, we were just caressed by wonderful explosions.

It has been a year. I forgot about the guy with the huge head! Dang, Marshall! Your head is big!

A Halloween party is the sub-plot. Let’s ignore that. Sydney needs to sneak some longhair out of Germany. The CIA will be putting a look-alike, or doppelganger, in there German’s place. So CIA gets the real guy, evil SD-6 gets the fake guy. If everything goes right, which it will not.

Building infiltrated, computer cracked, gas putting everyone in the building to sleep. Ironic, Germans getting ga….anyway. Everything went off without a hitch.

Hey, it’s that cop from Heroes! Hopefully he has a little more courage in this show. This show took place before Heroes. Maybe I can warn him about how Heroes will suck.

Snag. The fake German doesn’t know where some vaccine was made. And soon he will be dead. Sloan, evil SD-6 boss, thinks something is up wit the fake German and Syd. Uh oh. Snag snag snag. Don’t worry. Evil but not evil but evil but not evil double daddy broke fake’s arm and planted him with the location of the vaccine. A broken arm should solve everything. Defaulted on mortgage? Broken arm. Forgot your anniversary? Broken arm. Everything is square.

Time to sneak into the vaccine plant, fake steal something try to fake blow something up, then blow out of there. I could do that.

Spy woman running at top speed are pretty cool. Not as cool as Cary Grant running in a suit, but still cool.

Whoops! CIA and real vaccines blown up. Snag!

Friday Night Lights: How Did I Get Here?

I have never seen Friday Night Lights before. Not the movie. Not the show. Plenty of people do seem to like it. So here comes a fair chance! Just kidding. I’m bound to be unnecessarily harsh.

The recap from last week? Someone jumped off a boat and then decided to not have surgery. This week, the coach (I can tell because he is wearing a hat) received a severely reduced paycheck.

Coach’s sister in law showed up. She is the evil woman from Nip/Tuck. Well, one of the evil women from Nip/Tuck. That show is absurdly stupid and fun to watch.

The coach’s name is Eric. I can relate to that, because my name is similar to his. We are like best friends.

Hmmm, I wonder what Friday night lights refer to. Probably alien abduction. Is this going to be like Roswell?

Some longhair got kicked off of the team. The football team. How do you tell someone they’re off the team? You clean out their locker all passive-aggressive like.

Aaron from 24! He and his TV son look a lot alike. That’s some damn fine casting there casting director whose name flashes by the screen in a matter of milliseconds.

Is the coach’s job to be grumpy all the time? Because I could totally be a coach then. I’d be, all, “you could have done better” and “where are my slippers!” Hey, where are my slippers?

Remember how confusing Heroes was this past week when I missed the first part of the season? I’ve never seen Friday Night Lights and can jump in with no hiccups. Bravo for being easily accessible, Friday Night Lights.

Wait, high school kids drink beer? Where have I been? I should go party with some high school kids. Nothing could go wrong there…thinking…thinking…how old were those kids in Superbad?

Tim, who was kicked off the team, was in Mexico for two weeks. Eric’s wife is a high school counselor. Everyone is nicely tied in to everyone else.

I’m totally not being unnecessarily harsh. I must be sick. I think Butter Burgers are the solution to my illness.

The characters are very real and grounded in this show. And you know what else? The situations are too. As far as I can tell. I never played much higher than little league. I tried soccer once, but that is way too much running for nothing.

I’ve never seen Rudy all the way through. Please don’t tell anyone. Especially men.

24 Aaron is a town cop. And his son went and murdered someone. Or got wrapped up in a murder. Or had a birthday party where someone was murdered. Or watched a murder on TV. Something to do with murder.

There is a bunch of relationship stuff going on that I’m not keeping track of. That’s okay. It runs a bit deeper than I can grasp from one episode.

Cop is torching son’s evidence laden car. That’s a bad cop and a good dad. I’d prefer the other way around. For that guy. Unless it were my dad. Also unless the bad cop got involved with organized crime and got the whole family killed. That would suck.

What’s smarter than drinking beer as a teenager? Drinking beer on school property. That’ll get you back on the team, Tim.

That wasn’t half bad. Good work on the quality there, Friday Night Lights. I may have to check you out in non-voted for capacities.

The Office: Survivor Man

After this episode of The Office, there is only one left to run due to the WGA strike. You know all the episodes you watched online and on iTunes? The writers of the show get paid zero dollars for all of that. That is simply absurd.

The plot for this episode of The Office centers aroudn Michael not being invited on Ryan’s camping trip. Toby, Michael’s point of focus for all anger, was invited. And now, Michael is going to find someway to make his own camping thinger.

Michael will actually be trying to survive by himself for a couple days. And with that framework, let the funny begin.

Did I make it clear enough that we should be supporting the striking writers? Because we should.

Dwight is fake abducting Michael, so Michael can feel like he is really stranded.

The office related humor for this episode comes from a month of birthdays. Kelly, Creed, Oscar, and Meredith all have their birthdays this month. Jim, put in charge during Michael’s adventure, thinks consolidating the birthdays into one big party would be the best idea. It is not easy. And funny conflicts happen.

Were you aware that the actors and directors don’t get paid when their shows are run online either? They’ll be striking too when their union contracts are up, unless things change. If the writers win, that will make further strikes and TV stoppage unnecessary.

Creed wanted a birthday peach cobbler. Michael, gone for less than a day, was back just in time for the end of the birthday debacle.

So in conclusion, support the writers! And enjoy the last Office that is in the can next week!

Bionic Woman: The List

Bionic Woman is one of those shows I wouldn’t be watching if it weren’t for you, the voters. Will I thank you for the new experience, or track you all down for individual eyeball punches? I assume the later, but I’d like to be wrong.

This show, from what I gather, revolves around a woman who is bionic. I’d wager a guess that this bionic college student would rather be dancing at Coyote Ugly. I’m two minutes in, and think Bionic Girl would be a better title.

Keep in mind, I have no background in to these characters or plot. I don’t know why Albert Rosenthal is talking to the, assumedly, bionic girl.

Let’s explore the word “bionic,” shall we? It is the application of methods found in nature to technology. Maybe a little nanotechnology photosynthesis. That sounds like a terrible show.

Young college student gets taken into a super secret government agency? It’s nice that Alias is still on the air. Snap for me!

You may think I watch a lot of Alias. That would be a false assumption your part.

BJ, short for Bionic Girl(I know, I know), is in Paris working with the dreaded CIA to get something done. What did she find there? Terrible dialogue! And it isn’t the fault of the language barrier.

How do you find someone who might have changed their looks? Get yourselves a BJ! She’ll look into their eyes, which they apparently can’t change, and identify them. Oh, her name is Jamie. That BJ is less of a hilarious stretch now.

Back at college, BJ’s friend are something something nobody cares Gilmore Girls style relationship nonsense. I’m sorry, I trailed off a little there. Must be this waterboarding. I mean, television.

Hey, a laptop plastered with Ween stickers. This show must be secretly hip!

The eye recognition software only works if the person looks you directly in the eyes. Which is impossible with a BJ. I mean. Anyway. Um. This technology seems a bit limited. Also, it doesn’t help if it works as you’re walking into the trap.

BJ and partner are awkwardly falling in love while her college friends are…OMG! Did I doze off? What time is it? I need to get to work!

Spies probably argue a lot when they are outside a room where they’re trying to bust someone. It would be more acceptable if, you know, the dialogue were engaging.

I’m glad I can fast forward through commercials. That way I can skip the cast of Chuck telling me how to be green.

Will any of us be better off after watching this episode? Will flowers smell sweeter tomorrow? Will the sun shine brighter? Will we even tell our coworkers about it?

BJ is going back in to get her boyfriendish spy friend and this “list” with 8 million dollars. Which isn’t as much as it seems these days. Now Canadian dollars would be nice.

Remember BJ’s college friends? I guess she lives with her sister. Who is also in college? Oh no, I’m bored again. Please get back to this lame spy business so we can go home and see our kids.

Oh holy crap. Enough with the talking please! It is really hurting me a lot. The writers must have already been on strike when this was written. I know, that is impossible. But it makes my point.

Shejumpedreallyhighcanyoubelieveithowamazaing!

And that, my friends, is the BJ show. Oh, hold on. The words they are speaking is making my vomit in my pants. That can’t even happen! How did you do that, terrible television show? You owe me for my dry cleaning bill!

House: Whatever It Takes

I enjoy House in the same way I like Cheerios. I know what I’m going to get, and I enjoy it. Sure, you can mix it up with the taste of nuts and honey. But it is still Cheerios. And that isn’t bad.

Biff Tannen is the pit chief or whatever you call them for a drag racer with issues. Is anyone home, McFly? It’s heatstroke! Of course, it is infinitely more complex.

This season, Dr. House is trying to hire a new crew. He is testing a whole classroom out. But that doesn’t matter nearly as much as what is wrong with the drag racer. No matter what crazy plot goes on between the classroom, you can still focus on the patient with the problem.

Coach Ben Fredricks is seriously worried about his daughter, but never you mind that. House is helping the CIA for some reason. Unmarked helicopters and everything. They are trying to figure out why a 180 pound man now looks like a zombie. They figure an assassination attempt. Zombies are, technically, the undead.

Back to the spawn of Tom Wilson, she can’t feel her legs. That will make driving cars more than a little difficult. I would set up a Rube Goldberg machine to drive the car. Lighting a candle would burn a string the brings a chestnut down in front of a squirrel in a wheel that turns on a light bulb which attracts and kills 10 ounces of bugs that sets off a scale which then turns the car right. Stepping on the gas is something way more complicated.

The race car driver has polio. There hasn’t been a case in the US for 20 years. And now there has been. Well, a fictional one. But that’s as good as real, right?

Both sets of doctors are trying experimental treatments. I imagine one will fail and the other will succeed. Actually, I’ll change that to both failing. High doses of vitamin C curing polio?

Looks like I was wrong. I still maintain that high doses of vitamin C is good for nothing. I’ll stick to my water that vibrates at healing frequencies, thank you very much.

Haha. I was right! She didn’t have polio. She was poisoned by the guy who wants to cure polio in undeveloped countries. He faked polio in her. Vitamin C, pfah. This vibrating water is so good.

Also, CIA doctor wants to join House’s team. There is a little more plot for you next episode.

Heroes: Out of Time

When setting my DVR to tape Heroes, I accidently typed Herpes. My DVR did not tape Herpes.

This episode is called Out of Time. From the recap, it appears that our heroes need to save New York again. Did I forget to mention that I gave up on Heroes at the end of season one? Well, I did.

Aside from Hiro, I’ve forgotten everyone’s name. Maybe that isn’t entirely true. I remember some more names, but I forgot how to spell them. So I will describe the characters with bitter descriptions.

Doctor Voice Over is working for “the company” along with the terrible actress. Hiro is stuck back in time with Sting hating on him. The cheerleader is in some sort of trouble. Again. And the boring brothers are still alive.

Oh my goodness, I’m boring myself. Recap, consider yourself ended. Let’s move forward.

Someone is trying to kill someone.

Okay, maybe this moving forward isn’t working.

Jack Lemmon is coming to kill someone with glasses and a whiney voice. Morrie, not actually Jack Lemmon, is that cop’s father. You know, the cop with the self confidence issues?

Hold on, we got a little pube bone going on. Groin cleavage? Those lines pointing down to a man’s pee-pee area. You can thank my wife for the terminology.

So Hiro is in the past, Peter is in the future, and everyone else is stuck in the present. The horrible horrible present.

In the future, where Peter’s pube cleavage reigns, a virus has killed 98% of the population.

Hey, I have an idea. How about we get some more characters up in here? There are not enough plot lines going on. Please muddy the waters a bit more. If you can’t settle on a solid plotline, keep throwing them on the pile. Some of your spaghetti is sure to stick to the wall.

Peter has amnesia. That sounds nice right about now. One order, please. Heavy on the blunt trauma to the skull.

Claire, I remembered another name, is falling for a boy. They are kissing and listening to tunes on her sweet Samsung phone. Go out and buy it now, boys and girls, and you could be kissing things too.

Morrie is trying to kill Bob. Simple names! I like it. She also made the bad actress see her dead husband or baby daddy or whatever. Now she is set to kill Bob.

Hiro and Sting are fighting with swords. Sting is singing that terrible Grammy winning song. Okay, he isn’t. And he isn’t Sting. Then a tent exploded.

Morrie and his bumbling cop son Matt are having a fight in Morrie’s mind. It isn’t nearly as interesting as Psychonauts. You should play Psychonauts. It is brilliant, unlike a certain show I may or may not be watching right now.

Apologies if these thoughts have been a bit scattered. I’ve spent most of the evening wrestling with virus protection and system critical errors on my computer. And then I had to watch terrible television.

Peter has gone into the past, Hiro has gone into the future. I think they’ll both be in the present now.

Ali infected herself with a virus that will destroy mankind and hopefully her career. Now that Doctor needs to betray Claire for another plot twist.

Now Sting and Peter are getting together for who knows what reasons.

This episode of Heroes was a pile of plotlines puked out onto a Tilt-a-Whirl spinning around at high speeds.

For lack of better words, this show sure blows now.

Make Me Watch TV returns November 5th

Welcome Back

Welcome BackThe oddity that is Make Me Watch TV will return on November 5th with more deep complaints about the state of television.

Voting for your favorite or least favorite show will be up shortly.

In addition to weekday TV watching, weekends will be reserved for TV shows on DVD. 7 days of Make Me Watch TV? Is that even legal?

So take your pets and children into the basement, because a destructive tornado of new content is coming. And those are the worst kind of tornadoes ever!

TV Online and the Pussycat Dolls

While I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with this site, it seems that most people are coming here looking for two things.

They want to watch TV online, or argue about the Pussycat Dolls. I find the second one hilarious, and fully support continuous bickering about it.

As for the people looking for TV online, I thought I’d throw you a bone. You can probably find what you like about watching TV online RIGHT HERE.

So continue on with your arguments about reality TV. I’ll be over here.

Veronica Mars: Debasment Tapes

Last time I watched Veronica Mars, I can to the realization that I dislike it. Ready to catch up? Let’s see. Piz and Veronica made out. Okay, I think I’m caught up with what I missed.

Paul Rudd is in this episode of Veronica Mars. It can’t be all bad. He plays the leader of a band who is coming in to play Hearst College in order to save the radio station. Then his something was stolen! Oh no! Something! That would be more dramatic if I was paying attention.

Tapes. Veronica needs to find backing tapes that someone stole from Paul Rudd. And while that is going on, Logan is setting up a business plan for a class. A creative website. Who has ideas like that?

Of course, his is called GradeMyAss.net. If only I had thought of that!

Paul Rudd is an anti-semite to boot. He can play such a fantastic sleezeball.

A drunken Paul Rudd is taking everyone skinny dipping now. This isn’t going to end well. Skinny dipping is a catalyst for mishaps. Or is a mishap in and of itself.

Veronica solved the mystery, but probably didn’t, because there are 25 minutes left. I can’t fault the show for that, because House does it all the time. Whoops. The mystery is solved. Maybe there’s another mystery around here somewhere.

Piz and Veronica didn’t get Paul Rudd’s tapes back to him on time, so he could find his own courage. Like the Wizard of OZ with more facial hair!

And Mac broke up with her boyfriend. And some other plot strings were left dangling like a broken tree branch in a lonely forest.

Gilmore Girls: Unto the Breach

Lorelai is talking and talking and talking about Logan asking her for permission to ask Rory to marry him. I wonder what will happen in the final episode! Which is next week! Can you believe it? Finally!

Rory is graduating, and Paris is angry about something. Like usual. How can they not stretch out another ten seasons?

I am wearing stereo headphones and can really enjoy the stereo separation of the Gilmore Girls. It have annoying voices pumping into both ears!

How many shoes advertisements can they stuff in between this horrible spaces of this show?

Kirk is going to be sitting in a box this episode. Wacky Kirk. Insert you own euphamism here. And here.

They are going to put on a play about Rory’s life in Gilmore Girls? How can this not kill me? This sounds more lethal than poison. The lethal substance and the band. Which is also a lethal substance.

Rory’s grandparents are singing a parody of a Cole Porter song about Rory’s graduation. Now Logan is proposing to her. Rory didn’t know what to say. Probably because Logan didn’t get down on what knee. The fool!

Rory is all torn an emotional about the proposal. I would be too, if I were in the Gilmore Girls. But that is because the writers would keep stringing my character along for no good reason. It would be pre-destined.

And finally, Rory graduated and turned down Logan’s proposal. She likes life being wide open. Like her stupid mouth! Zing!

Something New Tonight

Tonight, boys and girls, I’m going to try something new. I’m going to try broadcasting my anguish live with Ustream.tv. Not only can you watch and, possibly, hear me live. You can chat live too.

So go and sign up for Ustream.tv so you can chat live tonight, if everything works out perfectly.

My Gym Partner Is a Monkey: Pranks for the Memories; Talking Teddy

From what I can call, My Gym Partner is a Monkey is about a human that goes to a school for animals.

Plot for first 10 minutes? Monkey likes playing pranks. Monkey sad due to lack of quality pranks. Then angry. Then desperate. The pranks escalated until the school was destroyed. Do you hear that, children? Destroy your school to be funny.

In the next half episode, the animal school has a new kid. Actually, a ventriloquist dummy. And only the human can see that it isn’t real. We have giant brains. My giant brain gave people the option to tell me what TV to watch. I have defeated my own point.

Cartoons are hard to blog about. No matter, as my time is up. I wish you many nights of iced cream.

Divine Design

A NEW episode of Divine Design is sponsored by anonymous. Surely, to screw over the Supernatural fans. Which includes me. But don’t worry! We get to see a house makeover for someone’s yaya.

Are you curious about the origins of the term “yaya?” Yeah, me too. Let’s look! Oh, it’s Greek. That wasn’t much of a journey. I apologize.

Anywho, these folks are updating their home so yaya can live with them and their children.

“Rich color scheme” is code for “a bunch of dark colors without any emphasis.” Now that’s some “divine” design. As long as I’m being sarcastic, let’s take a look at the definition of “divine.”

of, relating to, or proceeding directly from God or a god

Yeah, it can also mean “superb.” I like to pretend the designer is being directed by hod. Because if he can spend his time designing a basement pad for yaya, he certainly has the time to check in on you in the bathroom. He knows what you’re doing in there.

I’m sick of writing “yaya.” Time to switch it up with “old lady.”

The designer used wallpaper for…does it matter? Wallpaper is a terrible invention, and should never have been encouraged.

Dangly beads on the couch pillows? What is a pillow without its basic functionality of providing comfort? What a sad and lonely life for old lady’s pillows.

Old lady loves new room. If you can take any comfort in that, more power to you.

My Name Is Earl: Get a Real Job

Welcome to another wonderful week of TV. Wonderful, because the Gilmore Girls will finally be coming to an end on May 15th. Take that, you evil voters! I have won!

Now, let’s watch My Name Is Earl. Will these 40 minutes seem too long? Possibly. Probably. As always, I hope for joy.

Randy and Earl got a job. But never mind that. Jonathan Slavin just made me laugh really hard. And there’s that hobbit that was also on 24.

Earl’s goal this episode is to move from his new job in warehouse to a newer job in the showroom. The guys in the warehouse are trying to bring him down. The funny guys in the warehouse. That makes it unlike any warehouse I have ever worked in. That would be two. Two warehouses.

There is an increasing number that keeps flashing in the lower right hand corner of the screen. This is important. It must mean something. Wait, now it’s going down.

Joy is escaping her impending trial date. She is off to Mexico. I think less people would escape to Mexico if there were a country full of trees and cardboard boxes. Wait, is Canada full of those things?

It has been half an hour. I am sleepy. Watching TV is tough work sometimes. Sometimes my fingers don’t want to move. Oh, and it’s over. That…wasn’t…really…supersized.

Well, that bit into the next half an hour. Huh. See you in twenty minutes, I guess.

The Search for the Next Doll: The Girl Who Becomes a Doll

This is a show about becoming the next Pussycat Doll. I think that is some sort of softened drink.

I have missed all of this reality show, searching for the next member of this girl band powerhouse somethingrather. That being said, I’m pretty sure this will be the most important hour of television I will ever watch.

Everyone wears too much lipstick on this show. It looks like their lips are melting off from leprosy.

If you say “axe” instead of “ask,” don’t be surprised when someone makes fun of you.

“You need to go to psychology and find out who the eff you are.” We could all use a trip to psychology. That was after the barrage of “don’t judge mes.” That exchange was time well spent.

Actually, sarcasm aside, this show is pretty fantastic. They have filter down the contestants to the most annoying, and set them loose on each other. That is reality TV at its best. I don’t want to see everyone becoming fast friends. It’s all about the drama. And this show is doing that really well.

The girls are pretending to be sad after they leave their pad. Or maybe the tears are real. I would be sad if my spirit were a hard little black ball that could not be touched.

Yes, yes. We know you’re 18 and have a baby. You don’t have to be embarrassed about it. But don’t wear it like a badge of honor. You were too stupid to use birth control. Aren’t you special?

Mark McGrath, of Sugar Ray hosts this show. A quick search of Wikipedia tells me that Sugar Ray was originally called Shrinky Dinx until Hasbro threatened to sue. I didn’t think Sugar Ray could get any stupider, but it just did.

If it weren’t for the long periods of terrible performances, this would be the perfect show.

Did you know that being able to hear things helps with your singing? Thanks for that pearl of wisdom, president of Geffen Records.

There is going to be a next next Pussycat Doll? Then what was the point of this series? I don’t want this year’s model.

And the girl with the baby “won.” If you can call that winning.

Now the newly complete Pussycat Dolls are performing their one song. Truly, a night to be remembered. I’m sure someone is updating their fanpage with gusto right now.

And that is how the story ends.

Gilmore Girls: It’s Just Like Riding A Bike

It has been a few months since I have seen the Gilmore Girls. Just when I thought this knife that was removed from my body was gone, it is plunged back into my weak flesh. Stop stabbing me!

How quickly will I able to catch up the plot I missed? One tw….good. There I am. I guess all the talking is just a cover for the lack of real movement.

Today’s plot? Chicken pox. I wonder if Saved by the Bell ever did a chicken pox plot. I could be wrong. Maybe it was Family Ties or Home Improvement.

Rory is opening letters for her roommate. That’s the other plot. Actually, Rory is opening acceptance letters for her grumpy friend. She keeps getting into schools, which makes her grumpier and grumpier. Funny, my mood is moving the same way.

The volume of commercial on the CW is on level with the show. This is the exact opposite of the SciFi channel, which will destroy your eardrums if you aren’t careful.

Lorelai isn’t wearing a helmet while biking, after she broke her car by being stupid. I would have less of a head if I didn’t wear my helmet. Wear a helmet, boys and girls. It’s cool to be safe!

Luke and Lorelai are becoming friends again, after she and her husband divorced. I assumed. It’s a pretty safe assumption, since I don’t see him around anywhere.

This just in, from the CW, silk dresses are in! Thank you, faux commercial!

Lorelai and Luke are looking for a car. They are both annoying each other, but are too polite to let it really show. Which causes them to talk very quickly about more than nothing. Sure, that sounds like par for the course, but it really is taken up an annoying notch.

And another notch! And another notch! It’s like a severe weather siren that doesn’t reach a peak.

When an actress says, “I’m only 22,” in a scene and invisible milk squirts out your nose, that’s too bad for the actress.

Oh no! Rory didn’t get her reporting fellowship! I am so sad now because of television!

Scrubs: Their Story

Scrubs is here again. This will look like pizza made of gold after this evening of hippo excrement. Yeah. That kind of excrement.

Hooray! I’m already smiling! Some excellent comedic timing so far. Thanks for getting me out of the grumpy dumps, Scrubs!

JD has given up his inner monologue to everyone else this episode. It is terribly goofy and awfully funny. Hmmm, terrible and awful aren’t the right words. Find and replace them with “really” please.

Many many plots going on at the same time don’t seem overpowering this episode. I don’t know what it is, but it’s being handled really well. Come on, brain! Work better! Find the formula that is making the funny!

1/4 of the evening was great. That’s a terrible ratio, but it ended on a nice note. Now I can go to bed happy. Thanks, voters!