Wow. You guys didnâ€™t vote for Billy Graham like I thought you would. Instead, we are stuck, again, with Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. Fox is promoting this as a two hour season finale. Then why does it have two episode names, Fox? You canâ€™t fool me. Iâ€™m watching only one terrible hour of television, not two. Nice try.
We open on a snow globe held by a futuristic robot dressed as an FBI agent. He quickly dispatched a high school principal. Well, heck. This is what was missing last episode. And by â€œthis,â€ I mean â€œanything interesting whatsoever, especially having to do with robots.â€
Did you know that Edward Furlong, to original John Connor, turned into a terrible actor? Itâ€™s true! Check him out in Intermedio. You will also see, in Intermedio, an actor named Paul Cram. He is auditioning for the same commercial as me on Wednesday. So, really, it is just like I was in a movie with Edward Furlong. Right?
River, or whatever the female robotâ€™s name is, kept an evil robot brain from the future. It looks like a flashing light that you put on your bike while riding at night. Futuristic! The â€œbrainâ€ came from a robot that was married. It was undercover, like a sleeper cell. I suppose that means my wife is a robot. Dammit. It was nice knowing you all.
The robot was married to a city planner, or something. Robots love plans.
John Connor sure is emo. Do you think he cries while listening to Bright Eyes? Also, the fake FBI robot sure likes shoving people against walls. Itâ€™s a bonus if it kills them. Not everything is a bonus.
Vick, the evil robot brain and also an asshole who fights dogs, not a bad story element. Weâ€™re watching his memories while the Connor Crewâ€¦sorryâ€¦Konner Krew tries to solve the mystery that is Vick. Itâ€™s not a bad story telling device.
Oh boy, the FBI robot and the River robot are headed for a showdown. But that probably wonâ€™t happen until the next episode. Dang. Drat. Tarnation.
The show contains a massive amount of sitting around, talking, and wearing black. Where are we, the 1950s bohemian hedonist movment?
While trying to spread a virus in city hall to shut down what the Vick brain was trying so hard to set up, Sarah Connor and future dude also wearing black failed. Then they were chased down secret tunnels by cops who were easily subdued. That was almost action. The drums tried to tell me yes, but I say no.
Vickâ€™s brain used John Connorâ€™s Blackberry to try and call out his location. Too bad there wasnâ€™t another one of those Blackberry outages at that time.
Now River-botâ€™s brain is out and accessing a traffic light to save the world. This destroyed some program and caused a lot of traffic congestion. Even on the freeway, where there are no traffic lights. Good one, TV show editors.
This Terminator hour was better than last weekâ€™s Terminator. It still wasnâ€™t great. And thatâ€™s enough of â€œtelevisionâ€™s most driven series.â€
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