Every show tonight, I get to watch with my lovely wife. Probably because I am not watching C-SPAN or The Weather Channel. To start us off this evening, we have Survivor: Panama-Exile Island. The show starts off with a little “Tonight on CBS” promo. In it, Jeff Probst is standing in a pool of water looking kind of confused. It makes me laugh every week.

If my cheeks look like a chipmunk’s, it is because my wife is stuffing them with McDonald’s french fries. I will not go hungry this winter, with my supply of french fries well hidden.

The young stupid people on this show are really impressed with themselves because they will be taking out an ex-NAVY fighter pilot. They should probably wait before patting themselves on the back so hard. After all, they are cocky and he was in the NAVY.

We are at the point in Survivor where they show everyone their families on video and make them cry. This is really like surviving in the wild. Remember the Donner party? While they were eating other people, they got to play challenges to see members of their family on video. That is documented somewhere, I believe.

The Donner party also had to play games to see who got sandwiches. That is probably true. Snowball fights to see who got to gnaw the meat off the bones were probably very exciting!

In all seriousness, this week’s reward challenge shows the survivors swinging someone on a bungee platform around like a rag doll. They are also trying to stick flags here and there. This is like watching a bedridden Peter Pan with no control over his or her own body.

Shane, the island jerk, has a problem with his penis. He wants the crazy lady who is a nurse to look at it. That seems like a trick. I might have heard that line in a bar once. His man snake was just chaffed. So now he is wearing his shirt as a skirt. To stop chaffing, you know? I might have heard that in a bar once too.

The winners of the reward challenge received their luxury items as well as sandwiches. These are the comfort items that they were allowed to pack, but not take to the island. Someone brought their journal. Courtney brought some things that look like yo-yos. Terry, the NAVY fella, brought the American flag that was on his father’s casket.

Terry is like Rocky. These young punks think they are going to take him down? He had to vote off his own personal Carl Weathers a couple of episodes back. He is going to take his revenge on you metaphorical Russians. Except for Aras, who is Lithuanian. Do not call them Russians. They will get pissed.

Ooooh, there is a little twist to the immunity challenge this week. If they did not fear being voted out, they could skip the challenge and eat hamburgers. The alliance in the minority all choose to do the challenge. Only one person from the majority decided to do the challenge. So the majority basically gave the minority a free immunity. That was dumb as hell. Guess they will not take down the NAVY vet this time.

It is fun when people can not follow up their smack talk. Remember Bode Miller? Like that. It was hilarious to see Bode give up in the middle of his races. This is kind of like that.

Terry now has immunity and the hidden immunity idol. There are plenty of mind games going on now. Nothing like a Mamet script, but mind games none the less.

You know what? I am bored with Survivor. This is the same thing over and over again. Alliances and betrayals and challenges and starving. I have decided this right now. Survivor has gotten boring. If Shane is not yelling about his stump, the wooden stump he sits on or his dangling pink shrimp, then the show just crawls by at a snail’s pace.

Sally, the little girl that nobody pays much attention to, just got voted out. Now it is Terry against everyone. That might be okay. Maybe I am not bored with this show anymore!

No, I am bored.